Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The holidays are mostly over...

The holidays are mostly over... time to play a little catch-up around here.

Friday, Christmas Day, I woke up early and then woke Dancer up to come out and open her presents. She didn't get much but I know she wanted everything she got. She got a Lakers jersey, a Dodgers jersey and a huge stuffed white tiger. We also got her a Snuggie which was one of those after-thought gifts just to get her something extra under the tree. She already got her computer desk and chair the day after Thanksgiving. Dodger and I didn't get each other anything. There was no money for that.

Dancer and I headed out early to the grandparents house so we could stop by my dad's on the way there to pick up her Wii remotes she left there the night before. We didn't even end up using the Wii at all this day.

We had brunch/lunch just around noon at my grandparents. Dodger was a little late getting out there. We were getting ready to eat as he arrived. After we ate, we did the few gifts for the "kids" and grandparents and then did our $50 gifts that we bought for ourselves with the money grandma gave us at Christmas. That was enjoyable and I almost guessed everyone right. If I hadn't second-guessed myself when it came to my step-dad's gift, I would have gotten everyone right. We also played this hilariously funny game called '4 on the couch'.

For dinner we had this build-a-mountain thing that my aunt Jodi had seen done somewhere else. I'll have to get the "recipe" from her and post it.

The rest of the evening we played games. A few board games, a few card games, and Guestures. It was an evening with few family issues, which was nice. The old-folks were ready for bed by 10, so all of us had left for home by 10:30.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

It wasn't even important stuff

I was feeling good today until Dodger got home from shopping and just started bitching about stuff. It wasn't even important stuff. Talk about letting it sour my mood. I probably would have been fine if he had stopped when I asked him to but he won't.

By the time I went to dinner I was feeling better. But when I got there I got stuck in the muddy/rocky driveway. I was frustrated with the situation and instead of my mom being positive and saying it was no big deal, she harped on it. That set my mood for the rest of the evening. Nothing like having your mom be a bitch at Christmas time. Sometimes I really want to tell her to f-off. I want to tell her that we are moving in a few years and she can finally be rid of the daughter and granddaughter that don't live up to her standards.

I'm also really sore from my weights workouts from yesterday and today. I feel like I'm getting sick but I can't tell if my aches are from illness or exercise. The rainy weather is also giving me a bad headache that I can't get rid of.

Dodger was also in a pissy, weird mood tonight. I'm sure it's from a mixture of things... from having her normal routine interrupted, being tired, getting annoyed with her cousin, being annoyed that she has to dress-up for my mom and can't just be accepted for wearing what she wants.

This happens to be one of those days that I'm glad is almost over. I hope tomorrow is better.

Christmas Eve

Blogging now since I'm not sure I'll have time later.

I slept till nearly noon today. I had a few days of less than ideal sleep to get caught up on. I got up and did half of the dishes in the sink and I did a lower body toning routine that's free on exercisetv.tv after Dodger left to go find a few more low-cost gifts and stocking stuffers for Dancer. My upper body is sore from yesterday and I'm feeling weak from the lower body workout already. I still feel tired but I'm hoping that eating will help me recharge.

I did end up doing a walking workout last night before bed. I threw in the 3-mile WATP workout and went to town without weights and mostly modified arms since I had already done the upper body workout earlier in the day.

Dancer should be out shopping with my dad, uncle and cousin right now. Dad is taking her shopping for her to get a few gifts for us. We don't need her to get us stuff but Dancer loves giving gifts. There are definitely less gifts under the tree this year and all the way around but this season isn't about the gifts anyway. It's about the renewing of the spirit and the rebirth of the Sun/Son. ;)

This evening we are headed to my step-dad's family thing. It's not our favorite place to go. His family are just big bumps on a log and the little grand-kid is a spoiled rotten thing of a kid. He's really manipulative. It's his mom's fault because she still treats him as if he's a baby. He's half-way through Kindergarten and his mom still feeds him. I just try to ignore him when he's acting that way. I see right through him and so does my side of the family... Dodger, Dancer, mom and step-dad. We don't play into his game. I go because I do it for my step-dad. He and I get along better than my mom and I do.

I still need to do a walking workout or two and I need to eat. I'll need to wrap up a few gifts when Dodger gets home and then we'll both be needing to get ready to head out for the evening. Maybe I'll have a chance to blog again later to post what tomorrow is going to bring. Maybe I'll have a chance tomorrow, who knows. I don't know if my grandparents have WiFi or not. I can always blog throughout the day and then send it after I get home.

Happy Holidays to everyone who reads here. I hope yours brings you blessings and that you continue to look forward and learn from the past.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Continuing to play catch-up...

Tues. Dancer had asked the night before if I would take the two of them ice skating. Her cousin has never been ice skating and Dancer had yet to go this season. So I checked online to see what the skate times were before going to bed Mon. night.

I set my alarm for 9:30 to get up and shower before needing to wake the girls up. The website said that the skate time was from 12-1 for $2 plus skate rental. I made them breakfast while they got cleaned up and we got to the rink just before noon.

We had to mess around with the skates a few times to get them to feel comfortable and fit right. That took up skate time. Then I heard some mom's talking about what time the session ended. I was expecting 1 pm but since they charged me $4 each plus skates I figured it must be longer. So I went back up to the counter and asked. The dude said that they no longer have the 12-1 skate for $2 and that the session is now from 11-1. I was like, well you need to tell the people upstairs to change your website because I just paid full price for them to skate for an hour. He was like, well we take care of that. He could tell I was mad and should have done the right thing and refunded the extra that I paid since it was their fault but he didn't. I think I'm going to call and talk to someone upstairs about it.


At some point my uncle did call me to apologize for Mon. night. My dad called to see if I would take my uncle grocery shopping since they had hardly any food in the house. I guess my uncle had lost his only key to his car in his drunken stupor the night before so he couldn't go pick up his car. I told him that I was tired of running around and didn't really want to. If my uncle's DD had decided she wanted to go back out to my dad's then I would have gone grocery shopping for them before I took her back out but she wanted to stay with us another night.

At some point in the evening I decided to go grocery shopping for them anyway. I have some extra money wrapped up on my food stamp card, so I went shopping and then around 10 pm I ran the stuff over to my dad at work so he could take it home.

My uncle Pat also called. I was able to talk to him about the junk going on with my uncle Steve and his drinking. I needed to talk to someone who was closer to it but not as close as my dad. I tried to talk about healing and freedom but he only *got it* a bit. My dad doesn't get it at all. It was nice just to be able to talk about it. I needed to get all that had happened over the past two days off of my chest. I'm just sad that my uncle is still enslaved to the addiction after all these years. He was sober for 17 years but went back to the addiction after his marriage fell apart. It's going on 5 years now and he's had moments of slowing down but has never stopped drinking.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Today we didn't go anywhere. My dad took my uncle out to his car to see if they could take out something on the steering column and go have a key made. They ended up calling a locksmith who wasted a bunch of time. I guess he didn't end up having the right sized blank and never called to tell them. Then they had to call a tow to come get the car and tow it to a place to have a key made. I was assuming that after the car was running that my uncle would come pick up his DD but I end up getting a call from him after he got back home to my dad's.

I did try an upper body weight lifting routine that is free on exercisetv.tv. They have a lot of great free full-length exercise routines on there. I can tell my arms are going to be really sore tomorrow. I should have walked but didn't make time to do it earlier.

I had decided, after talking to my dad, that it would be ok for Dancer to stay over tonight. He talked to my uncle to lay down some ground rules. He knows I'm hesitant to leave her with him after Mon. night's incident. Dad is taking her shopping tomorrow, so it's easier to have her spend the night there instead of coming in here to get her in the morning. So since my uncle went home instead of seeing if he should come pick up the girls, I had to drive them out there. We didn't rush it. I still had to finish Dancer's laundry so she would have her dressy clothes for Christmas Eve dinner with my step-dad's family. My dad and step-dad's mom live in the same little town, so I'm picking Dancer up on the way there tomorrow evening. So, we got everything packed up and headed out there around 6. We were almost there when I started hearing this really loud noise. I was like, no way, I DON'T HAVE A FLAT TIRE! Ugh. I had to drive on the rim a little way to get to the gas station at the edge of town. I tried to call my uncle but he didn't answer. Then I tried to call my dad because I wasn't sure if we still had his hydraulic jack from working on my breaks. So I ended up calling Dodger to tell him I needed help.

He had to get the jack loaded up and drive the 25 min. there. By that time my uncle had called me because he was wondering when I was bringing the girls out. Turns out he was on the phone when I called. I asked him to come down and get the girls because they were bored. So he did that. After a bit he came back down to check on me. By that time Dodger had gotten there, so he helped handle the jack while Dodger changed the tire. All of this in the nasty cold rain.

On the way back home I noticed some shiny crap strewn across the road near where I first noticed the issue with my tire. It's possible whatever that was caused my flat. Actually it's more than a flat, it tore up my tire. I still had to go to the grocery store to pick up some items I'm supposed to bring on Christmas Day... garbanzo beans and sliced olive. We're making something. I don't know what it is. I was also going to pick up a movie from the Redbox since I had a free code from an online survey place. The didn't have the movie we wanted to I picked up "Year One" instead. When I got home I saw that Dodger had picked up a pizza and bread sticks on his way home. So we ate and watched the movie. The movie was mediocre. I don't recommend it.

I totaled up my calories. Ugh. Pizza night is never good. I'll spare you the details. I just have a lot of exercise to do from now till next Monday's weigh in. I'm going for a no gain on Monday. We'll see. If it's a gain, it will be understandable.

We then watched Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It's one of Dodger's favorite movies. I picked it up from the library yesterday.

It's after midnight now. I'm thinking it's not a good idea to do a walking video now but maybe I'll just throw the 1 or 2 mile walk in. I've got to burn off some of that pizza I ate earlier.

drunk as a skunk

Too many days to catch up on. Hell, it's been so long since Sat. that I can't even remember what I did on Sat. I know there was nowhere we had to be. I know I exercised. I know I meant to get the house cleaned up before our cousin got here but didn't. That's really all I can remember.

------------------------------

Sun. Dancer and I hung out at home till it was time to head out to my dad's for dinner and to wait for my uncle and cousin to get here. Dad made roast in the crock-pot. It was so good. The best roast I've ever eaten, by far.

It was nearly 11 pm by the time my uncle and cousin got there. It really shouldn't have taken that long but the roads were a little bad and their ride wasn't used to driving in those conditions.

We had to head home just a bit after they got there because I had a $5 coupon to Walgreens that expired at midnight.

----------------

Mon. the plan was for Dancer to spend the night out at my dad's with her cousin. After waiting around for my uncle all day to try and go pick up his car and visit my grandpa, we finally met up with them back at my uncle Mike's place. The plan was for him to have his car and he would take the girls back out to my dad's but when I got there I found out that his ride didn't want to take him out to pick up his car. He ended up taking her car out to my grandpa's to visit.

He was also supposed to go Christmas shopping so I was going to take the girls out and wait for him to get home. As it turns out he had decided not to go shopping and was just going to hang out till my dad got off work and could pick him up. He had decided that it was ok to leave the girls out there alone for a period of time. I offered to make room for him in my truck but he made some excuse to stay there. It seemed to me that he didn't want to go out there with us.

On the way out to my dad's I decided that it was not a wise idea to leave the girls out there by themselves. I called Dodger to talk to him about it. He agreed that we were not comfortable doing that being that it would be till after midnight before my dad got off work. So I stayed, made dinner for the girls and cleaned up my dad's kitchen, cabinets, freezer, fridge and all.

They played on the Wii and PS2 that Dancer had brought out with her. At one point they decided to get in on the cleaning and started to sweep the living room floor. They ended up finding 3 tall beer cans under my dad's couch. I instinctively knew they were from my uncle but didn't want to jump to conclusions. All I said is, 'I hope your dad's not drinking again.' to my cousin. I did call my dad to let him know what we found. He said he had found one behind a boat decoration next to the couch.

About the time that I was expecting my evening to wrap up and I could head back home, my dad called. He told me to grab the girls and head home with them because my uncle was drunk as a skunk. Sigh. I told him that I needed him to hold up before heading home because the girls had to get everything packed back up and loaded into the truck.

It was after 1 am before we got home. I was exhausted from cleaning and then being hit with the drunk as a skunk bomb. The girls were exhausted from playing all night. They pretty quickly went to bed and I stayed up and finally cleaned house. Dodger had wiped down the bathroom before we got home. That was great of him because that's what I was dreading most.

I'll have to catch up on Tues. when I get up later today. It's after 2 and I'm tired from only getting 6 hours of sleep last night.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

she didn't want to hang-out with me anymore

Today went by too quickly and it's been a bit of a blur. I was supposed to watch Dancer play her video game today but after I told her that we weren't giving gifts to everyone this year that bummed her out and she didn't want to hang-out with me anymore.

She had tennis lessons this afternoon and my mom picked her up. They were going to go back to my mom's and do some decorating but my mom ended up getting an invite to her friend's Jim & Jane's place for a game night. It's 12:30 and she's not home yet. I figure they'll be home by 1.

Dodger and I had pizza and bread sticks from Little Caesars and he got the recent Terminator movie from the Redbox. It was an awesome movie. It tied a lot of the first movie together with this one. The Terminator movies are one of my favorite movie series.

I went over on my calories today. About 150, I think. If I had exercised, which I didn't, I wouldn't have been over. It's no biggy since I've been under every other day this week because of exercise.

I got a little bit of house cleaning done this evening. I still have plenty more to do. I didn't do any work on the Christmas gifts. I don't know why I'm putting it off. There's less than a week left till Christmas. I must get my ass back in gear tomorrow. My UTI is feeling a bit better, so hopefully the energy fairy will come visit me tomorrow.

Friday, December 18, 2009

It seems that I'm not the only one with money hang-ups

My UTI was really bugging me today. Earlier today there seemed to be the itch up there which hurt because there is no way to relieve the itch. It hurt part of the day even when I wasn't peeing.

I brought up the topic of money last night on one of the yahoo groups I'm active on. The conversation just exploded today. It seems that I'm not the only one with money hang-ups and those who don't have other hang-ups that I don't. I could feel myself on the defensive when talking about it but I still worked on being open in my reading and in my responses. Maybe I'll talk about it all more on here soon. Right now I'm just catching up on my day.

Dancer had her last dance class tonight till the new year. She was the only one who showed up for class. I sat in the lobby, played on her iTouch, and listened to a Christmas Cantata rehearsal that was happening on the stage. I love Christmas music, even the religious stuff and some of these singers were awesome. I smiled the whole time. It was such a pleasure to listen to it. Makes me want to go to church on Sunday just to hear the singing that will be going on. Maybe I will, it would overjoy a dear friend of mine.

Dodger called while I was there and told me I needed to stop by Walgreens on the way home because our TV remote was finally dead for good. I had a $5 coupon so it didn't cost much. While I was there I saw that this was the last day for the buy over $25 and get a $5 coupon so once I got home I took his truck and his debit card down there to pick up this huge white tiger that Dancer has gone head over heals for. All we have left to pick up is a Chia Pet and her stocking stuffers.

I still need to figure out my step-dad's gift and spruce up my thrift shop find for my mom. I'm going to make curtains for my dad. I might be able to get the ones for his kitchen done before Christmas.

I did get a 2 mile WATP workout in with modified arms and no weights. I felt so week earlier today and I barely got through that workout. I didn't get anything done on the house today which is a bummer. I hope I feel better tomorrow and can get done what I need to get done.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I did ask her straight up if I had done something

Today I meant to get up earlier so I could exercise before going over to hang out with Shanna M. and her kids but I ended up sleeping till 12. I did set my alarm but I didn't want to get up.

After I got up, I woke Dancer up so she could get cleaned up to go. I checked my email and then got in the shower after she was out. Just as I was getting out of the shower I got a text from my friend saying her oldest son was sick. After finding out that both her DH and DD had the same thing last week (so it was spreadable) I decided that it wouldn't be a good idea for us to come over. No need to risk getting sick right before Christmas. Both her kids and mine were disappointed, which is completely understandable.

I ended up going to the Y in the afternoon to walk. I walked for an hour and five minutes plus stretching. I had the track to myself for the majority of the time. It was cold and I didn't really want to go out but Dodger was up by the time I was ready to exercise and he wanted to use the TV so out in the cold I went. I'd really like to hit 30 lbs lost before Christmas but I'm certainly going to meet my goal of 4 lbs that I set for myself last week after my 1 lb gain.

I finally managed to get a hold of the friend I've been worried about. I did ask her straight up if I had done something or if something in our friendship had changed that I wasn't aware of. She assured me that she was just super busy.

I also got back in contact with a friend from the job I quit a few months back. The friend (and my supervisor) who got herself fired and I got stuck doing her job with less people, no extra pay, and tons more stress. I did let her know that I had missed her but I needed to get past what had happened.

Since getting home from taking Dancer to dance, I've been snuggled up in bed catching up on tonight's shows: SYTYCD finale (Russell won! WooHoo!), Criminal Minds (one of my top shows), and CSI NY. TV is how I relax. I try not to judge it. I prefer it over reading. I don't really enjoy fiction all that much and non-fiction can sometimes seem like work so I have to be in the mood.

Tomorrow I really need to haul ass on cleaning up the house. Dancer also wants to go to Hobby Lobby (I used to work there many moons ago. I really miss it.) to get some items to decoupage for gifts. We also need to go pick up some art projects she did at a class a few weeks ago.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

When Friends Ghost You... It Hurts Like Hell

Today Dodger woke me up around 11 or so asking for the keys to my truck. He was taking it over to a friend of the BIL that had a garage so they could finish up the work on my breaks. Dodger was gone till about 2. When he got home he said the back break pads only ended up being about $12 because of the $20 Auto Zone Rewards money we earned yesterday buying the stuff for the front breaks.

I'm so glad to have my truck back. I was getting used to Dodger's truck. It might take me a day or two to get used to my radio again and to stop reaching for the stick shift.

I ran to the health food store around 4 to pick up some Colloidal Silver and Cranberry Juice Concentrate for my UTI. I also picked up a Diva Cup when I was there. No need to buy the disposable cups any more.

I noticed something when I was driving today or rather when I was getting in and out of my truck. I don't have to adjust the seat back to get in or out anymore and there's more space between me and the steering wheel now. That is just so cool. It's one of those things that is all of a sudden noticed when weight is lost. I'm looking forward to the bath towel wrapping all the way around me again.

I did exercise while Dodger was gone. I did the 3 mile WATP with regular arms and no weights then I popped in the 1 mile WATP (Dodger got home right as I was beginning this one) and did it sans weights. When I started I felt a little weak but by the time I was done I was rockin it and felt great.

I got a little bummed earlier thinking about lost friendships. I still miss my BFF (Shawn W.) from school. We became instant friends in the 8th grade and were friends into adulthood. She knew every secret and all of my quirks. Next to my sister she was my closest girl friend. One day, out of the blue, she just stopped returning my calls. The last time I talked to her was just after 9/11 and she was telling me her girls were afraid that planes were going to fall out of the sky and land on their home. After that, nothing. I have no idea what happened or why. I'm sure I left a few messages asking but finally gave up. I was sneaking a peak at some of her picks on Facebook today and it got me upset that we've missed so much of each other's lives.

Then there's this current friend who I haven't really heard much from in over a month. I have contacted her via email and text but I don't hear anything back from her. What the hell is with that? I sent her one last email today. If she doesn't respond then I'm done.

It does hurt. It really really does. I've never done that to anyone. Sure there have been friends that I've grown apart from over the years or who I saw less and less as our circumstances changed but I've never just stopped responding to a current friend. It does make me wonder if there's something wrong with me. How do you not take something like that personally?

Right now I'm sitting at the dance studio waiting on Dancer. After we get home the SYTYCD finale is on and then an hour after that The Good Wife is on. I'm going to get snuggled up under my heated blanket. It was much colder here today then it was yesterday.

We are invited over to a friend's house tomorrow afternoon for some hang-out time. Dancer doesn't know this yet. I wanted to be sure it was a go before I told her. No need to needlessly disappoint her.

I still need to call my dad and let him know my truck is completely done. He was going to drop by this afternoon before work but since my truck wasn't even home I told him not to come.

I also need to haul ass on my house. My little (1st) cousin is coming up this weekend and will be here for a few weeks with her dad. Her dad is my dad's twin brother. She lives with her mom in another and my uncle is staying with my dad right now. It's weird because she's a few years younger than Dancer. I don't know what my uncle's work schedule is going to be like once he gets home (he's been away doing some work for extended family) and she may need to hang out with us for some time while she's here. She's a lot more needy than Dancer. Hell Dancer isn't needy at all. But I do try to keep in mind why she's like that and that she's still a little girl who just needs loved.

watched Dancer play her game for a bit

I set my alarm for 10:30 today and got out of bed at 10:40. I checked my email and then watched Dancer play her game for a bit.

Dodger went to do a bid and while he was gone I did the 3 mile WATP workout with no modifications and 1 lb. weights. He got home when I was about half way done. I don't really care anymore if he sees me exercise as long as he doesn't bug me while I'm doing it. I used to use him being home as an excuse to not exercise. I used to have all sorts of excuses for all sorts of things.

Dodger's older brother came over in the afternoon to help him work on my truck. It was a break issue. They changed the front pads and calipers but it still had issues so they checked the back. My dad had told Dodger to check the back in the first place. It ended up being a back break issue. I spent money I don't have on the front breaks and the back ones are the ones that need work and new stuff.

It does move now but I think the breaks are a little too spongy so the BIL is going to come back in tomorrow to bleed the breaks in the daylight.

While they were out working on my truck, I was inside moving the Wii TV and table to the spot where I thought I was going to put the Christmas tree. I thought the tree looked too crowded in that spot. The tree is now next to the bookshelf by the front door in the place where the gaming system was. I flattened out the branches in the back of the tree so it would sit closer to the wall. It looks really cute there and Dancer likes the gaming system where it is now so I'll be keeping it there after the holidays are over. We will be able to use the space where the tree is for a sewing area or a place to set up the keyboard. It's a good thing.

I'm pretty certain that I have a UTI. I haven't had one since high school. Over the past few days I've been feeling this slight pressure and just barely there uncomfortable feeling after my bladder empties. Today it's been just a little more intense. I'm going to have to go to the health food store to pick up some Colloidal Silver and Cranberry Concentrate to knock this sucker out.

Seriously though, I'm so tired of the money being sucked out of our lives instead of the other way around. What is the block there? Is it possible that Dodger's lack of respect for money is holding us back. How is that fair to me or Dancer?

Monday, December 14, 2009

I ordered the chicken fajitas

Today I didn't wake up till nearly 1pm! Egads. That's what happens when I get up at 7:45 and don't go to bed till 3 the next morning.

Most of my afternoon was spent listening to tunes on the computer and reading some great blogs.

Dancer and I went to dinner with my mom and step-dad to celebrate her birthday. We went to their favorite Mexican restaurant. I ordered the chicken fajitas. I love love love the pico de galo that comes with it. The next time I'm there I'm going to see if they'll make me a salad and load it up with the stuff. It's just that good. We ran into some good friends there (Lisa E.), too. It was good to see them since we haven't seen them since the Halloween party.

We went back to my mom's after dinner for cupcakes, ice cream, and presents. We played a few games and watched a little TV till Dancer wanted to come home. All in all we had a nice evening.

Dancer had told my mom yesterday about our handmade Christmas tree decorations. Mom had pulled out a few decorations of hers for us to have. One is an angel I made in Kindergarten. The others were made by my great grandma's. Two from my Grandma B and one from my Grandma S. My mom also things she has one from my great Grandma Y. I hope she finds that. I'd love to have it, too.

I logged my food once I got home. I didn't exercise today. A day off once a week is always good. Balance is a good thing. Keeping the equilibrium in life helps us through the rough patches.

I do want to go to bed soon. I was doing pretty good with getting my schedule moved around and I want to get back to that. I need to go clean up the kitchen first. There's something about having a clean kitchen that makes me feel better.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

finally got some good alone time

This morning I was up at 7:45 to wake Dancer up at 8. She needed to be ready to be picked up for her shopping trip with my mom and step-dad by 9.

I spent part of my day getting caught-up on the TV shows I taped last week. I think all I had left to watch was CSI Miami. I also spent the majority of my day cleaning up Dancer's computer. I removed a lot of files and old software. I also defragged it.

Dodger finally went out to see what he could find out about the issue with my truck not wanting to go forward. It's not the transmission because the rear tires want to push it forward. It doesn't seem to be the breaks because the wheels freely turn when jacked up. Dodger said he was able to turn the break pads, too. He talked to my dad about it. My dad couldn't think of anything over the phone. I think he's going to come in and look at it on Mon. Dodger also called his brother but he hasn't gotten a call back yet.

We finally got some good alone time today, too, which was great. We are so used to Dancer going to my mom's for most of her weekends that her sudden (and understandable) desire to stay home more on the weekends has put a wrench in our couples time.

No regular workout today. I did count hubby time. I only log my exercise at the end of the day after I've eaten all of my calories for the day. I will eventually go by my net calorie daily budget but for now I'm just going by the gross calorie budget. I need the extra push of the extra calorie deficit from the exercise to get me through the holidays and to get the weight loss ball rolling again.

The soreness is barely there today even the back of my right knee. I'm feeling so much better this week. Being off of my regular routine affected me more than I thought it did. I just didn't know it until getting back to my routine. I knew it bugged me but I have so much more energy and a sense of balance in my days again.

I'm still amazed that this has been so easy for me. I know it's my attitude and the paradigm shift(s) I've gone through over the years. I chose to do this out of a love for myself not out of desperation like in the past. If I never lose another pound I would still love myself. But I know that this is what my body needs right now, so I doubt that the weight loss will stop. The logging is easy and actually fun on the Lose It app. There's a lot of math involved and I like that.

The exercise is a joy to do. Sure, it's only walking for now but walking is a great workout and is just as beneficial as jogging and less prone to injury. I can't wait to add weights to my rotation. I can't wait to feel stronger. I know I am strong on the inside. I have been lifting emotional weights for years. Now it's time for the outside to catch up to the inside.

Dancer got home a few hours ago. She got some new ball caps (one of her favorite QB and the other her favorite Nascar driver) and some Yugi-O cards. She said my step-dad gave her $40 to spend. $20 on herself and $20 for a birthday gift for my mom. I guess we are getting together for my mom's birthday tomorrow evening. I didn't know anything about it till about 30 min. ago. Dancer said something to Dodger about it and then he mentioned it to me. When I went to Dancer to get details she only knew the time, no other details. Sigh. Its not her fault and she shouldn't be the one having to tell us about it anyway. Oh well, that's how they are so it shouldn't surprise me.

I'm going to watch the late night episode of CSI Miami with Dodger and then spend a little more time with him after Dancer goes to bed. Maybe I'm trying to catch up on lost time.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I had a pretty good day

I think I had a pretty good day. I'm feeling so much better since getting back to my food tracking (staying just under my daily budget) and finally adding in exercise. I challenged myself to lose 4 lbs before Christmas and I meant it. I don't participate in the group goals any more because the only person that matters is me. I've broken my promises to myself too many times in the past. The only person I owe anything to right now is me.

I meant to go to the Y today. I was getting my MP3 player all ready to go. I needed to remove some songs and adjust the order of play. I almost had everything set on it but then accidentally deleted all of my songs on it. It really wasn't my fault, the computer screen showed a duplicate music file on my MP3 player. Both had the same music files in them, so I deleted one and both disappeared. I couldn't reload it because my music is on Dancer's computer.

Dodger slept well into the afternoon, so I just exercised at home even though he sleeps in the room that I exercise in. I did the WATP 3 mile tape w/ mostly modified arms and 1 lb weights. The back of my right leg right behind my knee is still tight and a little painful but the soreness in the rest of my lower body is much better today.

I took Dancer to tennis and started dinner after I got back home. It takes a while to brown 3 lbs of half thawed ground beef. Dodger finished up prepping our taco fixings as I went to pick Dancer up. She didn't want to go over to my mom's this evening. I don't blame her for pulling away. She's going shopping with them tomorrow. I hope it goes well, I'm a little worried for her.

Dodger picked up a small lighted tree yesterday. Dancer spent much of her day making paper garland. She also made a star that I attached to the top of the tree. I should take some pics and post them. She's also been cutting out ornaments from cereal boxes that we are going to paint.

I fluffed the tree this evening and put the garland on. It looks really cute. Now I just need to get the spot where it's going cleared out. Right now there's a bunch of old Spongebob collectibles that my Dancer wants to get rid of.

My mom's birthday is in a few days. She'll be 53. I have a book on one of her favorite architects, Frank Lloyd Wright, that I'm going to give her as a gift. I found it at the local thrift shop. It's a hardback and in like new condition.

I still have to make her Christmas gift. I have no idea what to get my step-dad, if anything. I also want to have some curtains done for my dad before Christmas, too. I can't wait for this holiday season to be over. We can't afford this gift nonsense. Making gifts can be just as stressful as shelling out money to buy gifts.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Webkins

I woke up to a text ting at 10:30 this morning but couldn't force myself to get out of bed. I went in and out of sleep for just over an hour after that. After I got up, I checked my email and put my clothes in the dryer.

Dodger got home sometime after noon. I don't remember the time exactly. After he got home I got cleaned up to head to the Y to walk the track. I finished watching the SYTYCD results show from last night before I went. I wanted space on the tape for Bones tonight.

I got to the Y around 3:20. I walked for an hour and stretched after. Always stretch after warming up, NEVER before muscles are warm. My legs and hip felt a lot better. My blister is better. But I'm still a bit sore and the bottom of my feet hurt more today.

After walking I went to Aldi to pick up the things on my list. I did pretty good. I got a few extra things that I wouldn't normally get to add some variety to what we normally eat. I got fixings for tacos and fajitas. I picked up some healthy low calorie snacks, too.

I got things home in time to get them put away, eat a sandwich, and change my clothes before running Dancer to dance class. Class gets over in a few minutes and then we'll head home and I'll watch her play her video game for a bit. I have a few shows I want to get caught-up on tonight before bed, too.

Dodger picked up a Webkins for Dancer (Christmas present) earlier and also brought home a 4.5' lighted Christmas tree. We are going to make our own ornaments and garland. I need to clear out the space for it in our living room. I have just a few things to move around and it will fit in the only free space left in the room. Our TV for the Wii now resides where we used to put the tree.

Oh, I forgot to mention. I picked us up a gingerbread house kit at the grocery store earlier. We've never done one before. It was only $7, so I said what the hell. It will be fun to do with Dancer.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Damn it's cold here

So much for sitting inside at the studio. I just couldn't bring myself to go in. Yes, it's freezing out here and the wind is merciless. I've had the truck running off and on the whole time. I'd have it off till I just couldn't take it and the run it for 10-15 then shut it off again. A whole hour and a half of it like that. Class is almost over and we'll be heading home.

I really need to stop by Walgreens and pick up a little heater for the living room. I just don't want to stop with it being so cold out but this night we're going to need it. I don't want Dodger cranking the heater up and thus jacking up the power bill.

I still need to eat dinner. I don't feel like cooking so I'll have to make use of what leftovers are still good. We still have spaghetti and polish sausage. Maybe I'll cut up the sausage and put it in the spaghetti.

I'm looking forward to going back to the Y tomorrow. I covered the blister on my heal before I put on shoes today and it helped so I hope the band-aid cover will do the trick tomorrow.

Damn it's cold here.

tossed and turned all night

I got up around 11:30 today. I went to bed at 2 but tossed and turned all night because I was so sore. I would get in a position and then the pain would wake me up. It went on like that all night long.

Once I got up, I read some emails and then decided to call Dodger around 12:20 to see when he would be home. I wanted to exercise before he got home. It's way too freakin' cold outside to go to the Y and I still wanted to exercise. Once I knew I had time I threw in the 3 mile Walk Away The Pounds tape and went to it. My left hip (that started bothering during my walk at the Y yesterday) was still hurting a bit and the back of my right knee still hurt so I didn't do it full out. I didn't want to over-do it and really hurt something. I did modified arms w/ 1 lb. weights. Dodger got home right around the time that I had 1/2 mile left in the workout. I almost got through the 45 min. workout before he got home. He made hamburgers for lunch while I finished up.

After I exercised I got all of Dancer's online orders done. She had gift cards to Game Stop and Best Buy PLUS her $50 from my grandma to buy whatever she wanted. She ordered the original Rock Band game and a Naruto game (used) from GameStop.com, a Naruto game (new) from BestBuy.com, and the Rock Band Drums and Mic (new) from Amazon.com. Turned out to only be just over $14 extra after her gift cards and $. I told her that we would cover the extra as a Christmas gift to her. I also got bonus points from BestBuy and a code from Amazon for ordering PLUS I used my Amazon Credit Card that gives me points towards an Amazon gift card. I love the extras that some of these places give. I should have checked MyPoints to see if ordering through them for BestBuy and GameStop would give me points for them but I forgot. I knew that they don't give points for ordering from Amazon.

We also got one of her Christmas gifts in the mail today. We just ordered a few nights ago, so I was surprised to get it so soon. I love businesses that run through Ebay. Lots of them sell at great prices and still run professional businesses. Oh, the gift is a ladies cut LA Dodgers jersey in white. Dodger is worried that it's too small... we got a ladies medium... but I assured him that it was fine. I even held up one of her medium t-shirts to it and it's roughly the same size. She'll have to wear a white tank underneath because the polyester it's made of is fairly thin and see-through. The tank will give her a little extra length. She could wear a Dodger-blue tank under it and have it open a bit, too.

We also order her the Santa gift she was talking about... a ladies cut LA Lakers jersey but it hasn't arrived yet. We got this one in purple because we thought the white one didn't really look like what the the team would normally wear and the yellow one is, well, yellow and she doesn't wear yellow much. She doesn't wear purple much either but she'd wear this because it's not girly.

My legs feel so much better after exercising. The hip and back-of-knee pain started to work itself out by the end of the workout and after stretching I feel so much better. I knew that working out and getting my muscles warmed up would help. I'm so glad I did it. I'm still sore but not nearly as much as I was last night and this morning. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. I'd love to go get under the heated blanket on my bed but Dodger is taking a nap in there now.

Dancer has dance class tonight. I am NOT looking forward to going out in this cold weather. It is so cold that I will have to go inside the studio tonight. It's chilly in there, too, so I will need to take a blanket. It's so cold that we'll have to leave the water trickling in the faucets tonight. I don't know what we're going to do about the sump-pump that's out in the old kitchen sink drain hole. It's probably too stinky to bring inside and if we take it out to the garage the water on it's going to freeze anyway. It has a chance of freezing in the water anyway. We don't know how far down the water may freeze in the hole. It's not our sump-pump, so we don't want to ruin it but hey, here's another project that Dodger put of and thus screwing us in one way or another. He was supposed to have our drainage issues fixed and done months ago. I swear he needs a ball-bat to the head sometimes to knock some sense into him.

I'm getting a little computer time while Dodger is napping and before heading out to the dance studio. I think I'll go do some online surveys and check my email.

I am so sore... So very very sore

I am so sore. So very very sore. It hurts the worst on the back of my legs right behind my knees.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

He STILL hasn't worked on my truck

I went to the gym a little earlier. I walked the track for an hour and 25 min. and stretched for 5. I think I passed the point of diminishing returns just before the 1 hr. mark but I forced myself to keep going at a slower pace. My legs aren't working right at the moment. I'm going to be sore tomorrow but I'll have to force myself to go workout again. I don't know if it will be at home or at the gym again. That will all depend on Dodger's work schedule.

He STILL hasn't worked on my truck! It's nasty rainy outside today. Serves him right for putting it off on days where it was decent outside.

Dancer and I need to get cleaned up before I run her to dance class in a bit. It's darn cold out. I don't want to go out again. I may have to go sit inside today. It just might be too cold to sit out in the truck.

We all had a good time

I just got home from MNO. We all had a good time. I love it when it's just getting together at one of the girl's house (it's usually Shannon's house). There was no going to dinner before hand, we just ordered pizza and some of them brought a few things.

We talked. We never got to the game play like we usually do but most of them were ready to take off by 9. I got to hear about a new love and soul mate of one of them. She met him online through one of those dating places. She had pictures. They look so much alike. She said they both feel like they've known each other for years. He was just here for a visit this weekend. She misses him and they wonder how they are going to work out the living situation.

Shannon has been on a doctor guided weight loss program for months now. She looks great. She got talking about how things are going to be once she can eat solid food again. I worry for her because she's still in the addictive mindset and is very much an eliminationist. She's bought into the gurus of elimination and food addiction. That's all still a part of the addiction. It's just on the other end of the spectrum. I know this all too well. I was a slave to it for way too many years. So much wasted time thinking about food in one way or another.

In that mindset she'll always be a slave to her addiction. She'll always be in fear of losing control and gaining the weight back.

I can't claim my own healing from that mindset. I just chose to believe the truth instead of the lies in my head. I chose to believe the truth that I was already whole instead of the lie that I was broken.

----- blogging interrupted by Dancer. She wanted me to come watch her play her Spongebob game. -----

I did weigh-in today. I was 1 lb up from last week. I'm not worried about it. I know why I'm up and I know what to do about it. I knew the holidays would be slow losing or even a flux in a lb. or two gain. It's 19 days till Christmas. I don't have any get-togethers planned between now and then. I'm going to challenge myself to lose 4 lbs before Christmas day. No more free days and exercise starts tomorrow.

I've been thinking that I need a haircut. I would like some long layers and would like my hair highlighted. I wish I had a friend who does hair. I'd barter with her for some sewing or something. I certainly don't have the money right now to go have it done.

You know, the give and take thing might be doable in our homeschooling community here. I wonder if that's something that I could get started.

Monday, December 7, 2009

I vaguely remember getting a kiss on the cheek

Man, I didn't get up till almost 12:30 today. Dodger went to work early this morning. I vaguely remember getting a kiss on the cheek sometime during my sleep. When I got up he was asleep on the recliner (as a matter of fact, it's nearly 3:30 and he's still asleep) and Dancer was still asleep in bed. I think she was up by 1 or 1:30, I didn't really look at the clock. I'm sure she's worn out from her weekend. I know I am.

I caught up on emails and yahoo group reading. I wanted to blog but couldn't bring myself to do so. It's been over a week and I'm not feeling the urge to blog again. I have so much to do around here that spending half of my day learning the ins and outs of the blogging industry does NOT appeal to me. It's nearly Christmas and there's still more to do. I think I need to rethink my approach to blogging. If it's just a job then I have no desire to do it. I need to keep it a creative approach even if it never makes me any money.

Dancer helped me clean up the kitchen a bit and then I watched her play another video game. She beat the other one in about 3 days. This one is a new one but the same characters (Spongebob and Friends) in this one. I think she only got a little over 30 min of play in. She has to get ready for her golf lesson tonight. It starts at 5. It's just down the road but both of us need to get ready. After golf is over, I'll drop her off at home and head to MNO. We are getting together at a friend's house. No expensive dinner and we'll actually be able to hear and talk to each other without yelling across a table in a loud restaurant. I'm glad this friend's house is in my neighborhood, just down the road a bit.

Time for me to get ready. I'll blog later if there's anything worth blogging about after my evening is over.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I have three days to catch up on, here it goes...

Whoa... I'm really behind. I have three days to catch up on, here it goes...

Fri. Dec. 4th...
Dodger should have gotten up and worked on my truck today but what do you know, he put it off. Gasp {with all of the sarcasm I can muster}. Nothing new under the sun here!

I spend most of my day with Dancer watching her play a video game. Not really my cup of tea but it's how she wanted me in her day so I took it.

I think I called my mom sometime today (maybe it was yesterday... my memory fails me) and told her of the extra ticket situation. My dad had purchased 2 tickets for Sat. night's performance. One for him and one for my uncle who's been living with him. My uncle has been in MO for the last month or so. He went down for a family funeral and stayed to do some work for some family members. As it ends up, he's not going to be back in time to come to the show. I've been trying to find someone to use the ticket... for free.... called my mom because I was having no luck. She had the idea that her friends that were coming could bring one of Dancer's friends that she knows through them. Great! Super! Dancer would love that.

In the afternoon she started getting ready for her performance. She had to be there at 5:30 for warm-up class. She loves to dance and was thankful she got to spend a little time with friends there. It's tough being an only child. We are always trying to reach out to spend time with friends but they all seem to be so super busy all of the time.

I dropped Dancer off and came back home. She's at the age now where she doesn't need me there. She took her cell phone and called me after her dance was over and I came and picked her up.

------------------------------------------------------

Sat. Dec. 5th...
Dancer had an art class from 9-2. It was an all day gift making class. I'm sure she'll have some cute things to give as gifts for Christmas. After I dropped her off, I came home and Dodger and I went to rent a roto-rooter. We've been having plumbing issues for months and months now and we needed to get the pipe cleaned out (before winter) to see if there was a blockage somewhere. It was just over $40 to rent it for 4 hours. Talk about pushing the time limit when we had to get Dancer picked up at 2.

So we got the rooter back and Dodger got under the house to the pipe intake valve thingy... we ran the thing from the opening in the crawl space till there was no more to run. Once we got it all in, we wound it back up. We did get a little bit of root on the blade head. This only took us about an hour.

Once we got it out we wondered if we should run it through the space between our back steps so that we wouldn't waste so much of the cable not being used between the crawl space entrance and the intake. The only thing was that the blade head had to come off for us to feed the cable through, then Dodger could crawl under the house and put it back on.

Here comes the issue.... the damn screw holding the head on (which is supposed to be removable since the rooter came with 2 other heads) wouldn't come off! Dodger got it about half way out and what would you know... it freakin' broke! Yes, it freakin' broke! UGH! We were like... WHAT!? LOL! I laughed hard. I had to. There was nothing else I could do. Getting pissed off wouldn't have helped anything.

Dodger spent the next hour and a half trying to drill it out and pry it out. He finally managed to get it out. He ended up having to run down to Walgreens to get some nuts and bolts since we had nuts but no bolts or the other way around. By the time he had it ready to use again we only had an hour to run it through the intake again. This gave us no room for error, which indeed happened again. So we were running it through... me outside again running the thing and him under the house feeding it. We got down to the end of the cable and it tangled up in the machine! By now, we were both beyond sick of the thing and the process. He got bitchy because he had to crawl back out and help me get it untangled. I got bitchy because he got bitchy. We spent the rest of the time bitching at each other.

We pulled out a few more small roots but nothing that seemed to really cause any issues. We ran the thing back to the rental place right before the 2 pm deadline. We were a few minutes late picking Dancer up. We all had to cram in Dodger's truck because there was just no time for him to go back home and me to go and pick her up without him.

Once we got home, Dodger was able to put the cap back on the intake. None of it made any difference in how our toilet flushed.

I spent a little more time watching Dancer play her video game before we both had to start getting ready for her show. I called my mom to see what was going on with her having one of Dancer's friend's come to the show. I ended up talking to my step-dad. He said my mom had told him that morning and that they had decided not to call anyone because they were going out with their friends before the show and they would probably be drinking a little. End of conversation. BUT as I started to think about it, I got pissed. I had told my mom of the ticket situation in enough time to discuss it with my step-dad and made a few calls if need be. I had told them in enough time for them to get back to me to let me know what was going on. THEY DIDN'T FREAKING CALL!

I called back and asked to talk to my mom. She wasn't there, so I let my step-dad have it. I told him that mom knew in enough time to figure out what to do and to let us know. It was only right for them to call and let us know if they couldn't find anyone so we could see if we could find someone else. That Dancer was upset that they didn't call anyone and didn't call us and that now there was no time to find someone else. He said we should have asked other people first. F*ck... we did! BUT I don't have my truck right now and figuring the riding situation would have been tricky. That doesn't change the fact that the courteous thing to do would have been to call me to let me know what was going on.

The whole night was about them and their friends. They were going out. They were going to be drinking. Blah, blah, blah.

I ended up texting everyone I could think of that might be at all interested in seeing Dancer dance. You know, friends and stuff. Her friends, my friends... friends of friends. I even put it out on our local homeschooling list. No one could come. Yep, too late to find someone!

So, anyway, Dancer and I got ready for the show. I ran her there for warm-up class and came back to get Dodger. I woke him up before we left, he was taking a nap, and told him to get up and get ready. When I got back, he wasn't up. By that time he only had an hour to get ready. That's usually not enough time for him. He can take forever to get ready.

So we got to the show and Dodger had decided that he was leaving at intermission (after Dancer danced). I had already called my dad and asked him if he was staying for the whole show. He wasn't, so I asked him if he could bring Dodger home. I had decided that I was going to sit with my dad for the first half of the show and with my mom and her family for the second half. So that's what I did, at the perceived annoyance of my mom. I don't really care.

After the show mom's family usually always goes out for dinner/desert but nope. The old people weren't used to staying out so late and their friends made some excuse not to. It ended up being just Dancer and I and mom and step-dad. We went to Steak n Shake. Dancer starts talking about homeschooling and school and blah blah blah. Hasn't she learned by now that those are things that you don't talk about around my mom? I sort of stared her down and was like 'stop talking about that' under my breath. I had to have a talk with her after dinner about not talking about any of that stuff with my mom. There were just some parts of her life that weren't safe to talk about.

-------------------------------------------------

Sun. Dec. 6th...
So today we got up just in time to have about an hour and 15 min to get ready before Dancer had to be at warm up class for her last performance. Sunday performance is always in the afternoon. I got ready, she got ready, she got to class on time. I was going to stay to help her in the green room if needed and to be there so we could go out with my dad for dinner after the show. My dad always comes to two shows, he probably would have come to all 3 but he works evenings now and had to work on Friday.

There was a point when she was sitting in the green room and had Pandora running through her iTouch (being able to have the iTouch was probably the ONLY reason why she wanted me there at all) and I waved her over. I had remembered that I forgot to put a little cover-up on her blemishes. I wanted to put a little bit on the one on her nose so when my dad got pictures it wouldn't show up so bad. When I waved her over, she acted like she didn't know me! WTF! I had to ask her 2 or 3 times before she got up and came over. To not embarrass her, I had her go into the bathroom to touch her up. As soon as I was done, she just turned around and walked out. Not a word, she just walked out. So, I followed her and pulled her aside to ask her why she was acting like this, acting like she didn't know me. I called her on the fact that none of her friends were treating their mom's like that in there. I told her if she didn't stop that I would leave. She shook her head no like she didn't want me to leave but within minutes she was bitching about a few Pandora stations that I had put on there. So, I told her that I wasn't going to deal with her attitude and I got up and left. I told her to call me when she was done and I'd meet her and my dad at the restaurant. On my way out the door, I called my dad to tell him that Dancer was acting like she didn't know me and that I was leaving. That she was going to call me and I'd meet them out there so that he didn't have to bring her all the way back home.

When I got home, I just chilled and watched a little football with Dodger while I waited for the call. My dad ended up calling and I met them at the restaurant for dinner. I talked to Dancer about her attitude earlier. I asked her if she thought it was right to act like she didn't know me... No. I asked if she was embarrassed by me... No. I asked her if she thought it hurt me... Yes.

It was a good dinner and dad had brought his hydraulic jack with him so I could take it home for Dodger to use to jack up my truck. Seems that Dodger was having a hard time jacking it up with the crank jacks that we have.

Most of my evening has been spent just chilling. I'm a little peeved about some of my friendships. Maybe not peeved but saddened. I've had too many friends in the past where I've been the one to always have to put forth the effort to stay connected. I've been deeply hurt by the dearest friend I've ever had. She just stopped returning my calls one day. No explanation.

I had sent a text to a friend last night about my mom and she didn't return my text. It went a full day and nothing. I finally texted her at dinner to ask if she had gotten my texts. I thought maybe they had gotten lost or something had happened. But no, she said she had gotten them really late (wasn't late when I sent them) and was really tired. SO? Does that mean that you go most of the next day not replying? This is someone I consider a dear friend. I only have a few dear friends. Dear friends are ones I consider to be family.

The thing is, I've noticed that none of my friends really consider me family. There's never any invites to their activities... to watch the kids play a sport or dance in a recital. I've asked when games are and when recitals are but I never get any information back. There's also becoming the same trend as before where I'm the one shelling out the effort to stay connected. Do you know how disheartening this is? These are people that I consider to be family. Sigh. I'm on the verge of tears writing this, so I shall stop now.

I'm so glad this weekend is over. That the performance is over for another year. I told Dancer that next year she could be in more dances. I had talked to my dad about the cost and he said that he would be happy to help out. She was happy about the prospect of being in more dances. I'd like to see her in more, too. We just couldn't afford it this year and last. It cost me $60 for her to be in 1 dance. That's just insane. Oh well.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

nasty pile of stuff at the end of my bed

Well, what do you know, I actually got that nasty pile of stuff at the end of my bed cleaned up. And I did good on logging my food and staying under my food budget today.

Now that the major piles and projects are finished, there are minor things that I'd like to finish up. You know, the things hiding in the closets, cabinets, and drawers, that you rarely think about because they are hidden away. It's those things that I need to tackle. I also have some projects to sew and craft for Christmas. I need to make a list so I have some focus.

Twenty-five dollars, down the drain

It's looking like the truck issue might just be the breaks locked up.

I just realized that Dancer missed a holiday card making class that I had signed her up for because I dropped the ball and didn't write the date down on the calendar. $25 down the freakin drain! UGH! I HATE when money is wasted. I hate it MORE when it's my freakin fault.

I've really lost my momentum

I didn't do much of anything yesterday. I've really lost my momentum. I looked at the piles of stuff but never touched them. I will have to conquer the pile at the end of my bed today because I need to get into my closet today. Dancer has dress rehearsal tonight and there's stuff in the closet that I need. I also have to find our good pair of pink tights. I'm hoping they're in my drawer where they should be. I don't have the time, money, or vehicle to go get new ones today.

Yeah, I said vehicle. Last night as I was heading out to take Dancer to tennis (went last night since she didn't have rehearsal and she won't be able to go Fri. because of performance) I backed out of our drive and when I put it in drive the truck just lurched forward (as if the parking break was engaged) and it wouldn't go. I did finally manage to get it back up the driveway. I wasn't sure I was even going to be able to do that.

Dodger ended up driving her to lessons because I couldn't get his seat to move up far enough for me to drive his truck. No big deal in an automatic but his is a manual transmission.

We are fairly certain that the issue is with my transmission. We don't know to what extent at this point. We still need to go out, warm it up and check the fluid in the daylight. I'm hoping that it's an easy fix and not too expensive. We just don't have the money for this shit. I'm still paying on the truck as it is. I'm trying not to be pissed but it seems that every time that we are back on our feet and finally moving in the right direction that something happens to throw a wrench in it and knock us back down again.

My eating sucked yesterday. I still eat when I'm stressed out. And yesterday I made the choice to give into the eating as a way to cope with the stress of my truck acting up. Good thing it was only after 5pm and not all day.

Right now it's about 1:30 pm and I need to attack this pile and find those pink tights. I also need to go ask Dodger again to get up and go look at my truck. There are things to be done. I had 2 days off, now it's time to get back on track.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

getting so much done around the house

I've been taking time off of the net since Fri. It's been so nice to be getting so much done around the house.

Yesterday I got the boxes of papers sorted, many of them thrown away, and the rest put in the file cabinet.

Today I didn't get much of anything done. I did look online for tips on making my own Toilet Wipes. We've used cloth napkins for some time now. I've sewn up hankies lately from 2 pairs of worn out PJ pants and an old shirt. I've been wanting to sew up some cloth wipes and menstrual liners for awhile. I just needed to do a little more research and get some feedback from friends who already use them.

I still have a huge pile of stuff at the foot of my bed that I need to clean off. I meant to do that earlier in the day but I never forced myself to do it. I guess I've been going so hard since Fri. that I gave myself permission to take it easy today.

An update on the weight loss... still 176. No loss for 2 weeks in a row. I'm not surprised and not really disappointed. I know what I need to do to move past this hump. The food logging has to be right on and I need to start moving. It's not rocket science, thank goodness.

It's 11 pm and I think I'll go wash up the dishes from dinner and attack a pile of stuff. My house is looking so much better but there's still more to do.