Daily Quote: April 22, 2013

"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline."
~ Haim G. Ginott

I Am Not The Mom...

I am not the mom...

who has it all together
who's house is always clean
who's yard is mowed and garden is trimmed
who cooks dinner every night... I don't even like to cook!
who's bed is made
who's laundry is done

I am the mom...

who hangs out with her teenager
who doesn't mind being the chauffeur to all of her daughter's activities
who is mindful to nurture the relationship I have with her father
who's teen still wants to hold hands with her
who enjoys her teen's company

Relationships are more important than things.
Time is more important than money.
Love, nurture, and respect are the most important things in life.

Teenagers are Awesome

Ok, so that's not a popular thought among parents but it's my perspective.

Depression, Schedules, and Balance

Tuesday night Dancer told me that she thinks she's depressed. She said she feels lethargic most of the time and is only truly happy when she's dancing. She expressed some other concerns to me, too. I told her that most of her concerns and feelings were normal that there were many other people who felt the same way about things. I think it made her feel better to hear that. I told her that I felt her excessive computer time was contributing to her feelings of depression. I let her know that there was nothing wrong with spending time on the computer but that it's best used in balance with other things in her life. She has goals and dreams for herself and she needs to be conscious of where her energies are being spent.

{and just so you know... I have expressed all of this to her in the past... the only thing different now is that it's self-directed from her and not top-down from me. I am here as her facilitator, mentor, and friend. she was not given to my care to boss her around but to be here to guide her as she figures out who she is and what she wants.}

We tossed around ideas and she made up a daily tasks schedule that she wants to follow. She also asked me to start getting her up earlier in the morning and that she will start working on trying to get to bed earlier so that getting up at the time she wants to get up won't be so hard on her. She wants to get up early enough in the day so that she can attend to the things that will get her closer to pursuing her dreams so that by the afternoon she'll be free to spend time RPing (Roll Playing) and Facebooking with her friends.

So for the past 3 days I have gone to bed by 1:30am so that I could be up in time to get her up at 10am, the time she's chosen to have me wake her up. She has jumped into her daily tasks without anything from me but a "What do you want to do next?" Today she felt worn out from her week and decided to sleep lightly till noon after I woke her up. After that needed rest, she was up and at it.

I also makes sure she takes her vitamins daily and I'm having her take Mustard Flower Essence to help with the lethargy and depression. I read up on depression (as if I didn't already know enough about it from my own struggles with it) and I'm going to make sure that her diet promotes well-being, too. Today I suggested that we take a short walk everyday while the weather is still nice to get some sunlight and fresh air.

It feels good to once again be motivated to be a better mom and a better person over-all for the benefit of my daughter. From the very beginnings of her physical existence, she's been my motivation for all that I've done to be better and do better. I am so grateful that this parenting style promotes her openness and honesty with me. I know when I was her age, I would have never felt comfortable going to my mom and telling her I was depressed. I suffered through depression all through my teen years and half-way through my 20s. It was a terrible, dark time for me. And yet, without that struggle, I wouldn't be able to empathize and certainly wouldn't know the causes and the cures for it. Nothing we experience is in vain.

So, before I start to cry, I will end this blog post. I will plead with you to come along-side your kids and be their best friend. I ask of you to please be the parent you wish you had had. Treat your kids like the whole human beings that they are. They are not empty vessels waiting to be filled. They are already whole beings, they just need guidance from someone who's got more life experience. They need LOVE and understanding!

Quote on Discipline

"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline." -Haim G. Ginott

Just BE...

In my post today titled Summer Is Here, I mentioned that Dancer is attending a week long morning art camp. What I didn't mention was having to get up so early to be there. I woke up around 7am, this is extremely unusual for me, and got myself cleaned up. Then I went in to wake Dancer up. She had to wait until her dad was out of the bathroom before she could start getting ready to go. So, I gave her a nice long back and kneck massage and then when I was finished she asked me if I would stay in her room with her. She just wanted me in there while she did some ninja fighting on her Naruto PS2 game.

I have to tell you, my idea of a good time is NOT watching fake ninja violence from a video game. LOL. BUT I chose the opportunity to just BE with my daughter while she was doing something that she enjoyed. It's sooooo easy to just BE with your baby and toddler. As they grow older and gain more independence, we tend to lose that time to just BE with our kids. My girl will be turning 13 next month. She's already begun the hermit stage where she just wants to do her own thing most of the time and would prefer to be left alone while doing it. I respect that completely but I see that I must seize the opportunities for me to just BE with her, even if it's on her terms in her way.

I challenge you to seize the fleeting opportunities to just BE with your kids. Here I am choking back tears because my girl will one day not be in my life on a daily basis. I see the time fleeting away. I cannot turn back the clock but I can make sure that I take every opportunity to just BE with my daughter now... while she's still here.

Stop Hitting Your Kids!!!!

Everyday should be National Spank Out Day!!! Stop Hitting Your Kids!

You Can't Always Get What You Want... Why the Hell Not!?

So there's a great conversation going on over at the unschoolingbasics group... I'm posting Kelly Lovejoy's response to the original message that got it all started.

Original message:

So unschooled children, won't they always be very confident they
"will" get what they want and then be also as disappointed as I am
about not getting it? I'm learning to deal with it though but it has
taken years of crying each month for not being completely happy :-(

-=-=-=-=-=-

I HOPE my chidren will always be confident that they will get what they
want. With the power to know *what* they want, they'll be able to deal
with temporary disappointments and set-backs. Thinking that they
weren't good *enough* or worthy *enough* could make them simply
quit---or not even bother to try. I'd much rather know that *they* know
that they are capable.

-=-=-=-=-

Original message:
There are no guarantees you will always get what you want.

-=-=-=-=-

No, but it IS guaranteed that, if you DON'T go after it at all, you
won't attain *anything*!

-=-=-=-=-
Original message:

That's my passion and that's what I always wanted. Sure,
my parents weren't supportive at all,

-=-=-=-

Sorry---you don't seem passionate *enough* to me.

Oh! And how is that "unsupportive parent thing" working out for *you*?
Do you want the same thing for your daughter? What would you do
differently for your daughter? Or do you think that being just as
unsupportive would give her an edge---or would it make her strive less
for those things that are important to her---I mean, you don't want her
to think she can have anything she wants, right?

-=-=-=-=-
Original message:

For doing music, like professionally or even semi-pro., you have to
kind of
"work" on it as much as you'd be willing to work for a "real" job, if
you really want to succeed.

-=-=-=-

My son, at 18, is a professional musician. Yes, he puts *many* hours in
each day to improve/learn new licks, etc. It IS his "real" job. He
*chooses* to make that his priority. He's backed off on the time he
spends watching TV, reading, talking with his girlfriend, and even
being on the COMPUTER!!! Because music IS his priority. But that's
true of anyone who is looking to make a career of anything. He CHOOSES
where he spends his time.

You just told us a week or two ago that you have no passions except for
the computer---now you're telling us that you have no time for your
passion of singing.

Drop the computer time! Go sing! Quit whining!

-=-=-=-=-=-=
Original message:

And then there is this big ammount of
millions of people who want the same, there is always someone who is
more skilled than I am (in singing, or in getting to know the "right"
people, in advertising himself, in arranging, in composing etc...)

-=-=-=-

PuhLEEZE! Quit yer bitchin'!

Thats what business is ABOUT! Being more skilled, more talented.
Knowing more people, advertising yourself, arranging, composing. THAT's
what the music industry IS.

Are you willing to DO those things? Don't go telling me that it's not
possible! I have a now 18 year old son who networks all OVER town and
knows ALL the big names here because he would go out every
night---since he was 15---to hear music and sit in on workshops and ask
questions and introduce himself to strangers and play at every possible
opportunity. And he's SHY! Well, he *was*! <g> He MADE the
opportunities FOR himself. I can't go anywhere in town now with him
without someone coming up to speak to him about music or film. He's put
himself OUT there.

He's not unique (well, he IS! <g>)---but this is how you make it in the
music business---you network. You play. You sing.

--=-=-=-==--=
Original message:

I used to think "if you only *want* something enough, you'll get it",
you just have to work hard, be creative, find ways etc etc. But this
is quite like the "American Dream" – if you really want it, you WILL
get it, it promises, but if you don't and stay poor, and don't
succeed to always get a greater job and get more money – it means
you are lazy "then you just didn't work hard enough". This is just
not the case, because not all people have equal opportunities!

-=-=-=-

This is just an excuse. The ONLY way people have made it IS by being
creative, working hard, finding ways.

ALL people have equal opportunities. Opportunities are OUT there.
Everywhere. Every day. But you're not going to find them sitting in a
room. Get OUT---go to clubs. Sing for tips. Sing for free. Just sing!
Sing at Open Mike Night---that's how Cameron ot his first paying gig!
He would go every Wednesday night to Open Mike Night. He played the
drums. Eventually the owner/band leader hired him as the house drummer
when his old drummer moved to be with his dying mother. Cameron has a
year contract with "Fatback and the Groove Band" as their drummer. A
paying gig. Just for showing up every Wednesday for four months!

OH! And their singer is also a waitress there--she gets up and sings
between tables! She can belt out some blues!!! <g>

-=-=-=-=
Original message:

And
though what I used to think had nothing to do with the American Dream
in the sense of growing rich out of nothing, it still implies that if
you don't succeed in what you "wanted" – then you probably didn't
want it enough, or you didn't try hard enough or you are just lazy or
dumb or whatever.

-=--=-

Uh huh. But you're going to tell me that you want it enough and are
trying hard enough and aren't lazy or whatever---right?

But I don't see you out at night singing! You're spending all your time
on the computer---you told us so!

You won't even sing at Christmas in front of your parents!

-=-=-=-=-
Original message:

And thinking that "if you only want somehting
enough.." made me confident I *would* get it – but I don't see it
happening at all, and this is since 10, 15 years now.

-=-=-=-=-

I don't think you were at ALL confident. I don't think you have been
out singing anywhere. For 10-15 years---you just *wished* you were a
rich and famous singer. *Wanting* something enough and *Going AFTER*
something enough are two completely diferent things!

Easy to say you weren't responsible for that.

Easy to blame parents the FIRST 10-15 years---but after that, it's up
to YOU!

-=-=-=-
Original message:

So the
disappointment of not getting what I wanted has caused many tears
over the past 5 years because my goal seems farther and farther away.

-==-=-

And WHAT are you DOing about it?

Throwing a pity party or going out and singing every night?

-=-==-=-
Original message:

So unschooled children, won't they always be very confident they
"will" get what they want and then be also as disappointed as I am
about not getting it? I'm learning to deal with it though but it has
taken years of crying each month for not being completely happy

-=-=-=-=-

First: Yes, I hope they will be very confident---beats the hell out of
lacking confidence, wouldn't you say?

Second: Their disappointments won't come from NOT trying.

Third: "Dealing" with it and "Doing" something about it are two
completely different things. Mine will be/are DOERS.

Fourth: NO one is "completely happy." We can choose to be joyful, and
we can choose to find joy in what we have and in what we're seeking. We
can choose to enjoy the journey. Crying every night because we haven't
put forth the effort will never make someone happy either. But going
after what we love because we LOVE is can be joyful and inspiring.

Go sing!

~Kelly

Unschooling Poem

This was written on a mural at the Children's Museum.  I thought it very fitting.

I tried to teach my child with books;

He gave me only puzzled looks.

I teach my child with words;

They passed him by often unheard.

Despairingly, I turned aside;

"How shall I teach this child?" I cried.

Into my hand he put the keys;

"COME," he said, "PLAY WITH ME!"

When was the last time you actually just PLAYED with your children?

How to Make Unschooling Work

How did I make unschooling work in my family?  I let go!  I let go of all of the old tapes running through my head of how things are *supposed* to be and just let them be what they are.  I started to change in myself what could be changed... what I felt I should change... what needed to grow.  I stopped trying to micro-manage my family.  I stopped trying to change them.

I looked at the beauty in the world around me... knowing that there are still some thorns and to watch where I step.  I choose everyday to look at the world through different lenses... different lenses than most people wear.  I choose to trust... my daughter, my husband, myself... I choose to trust the process that learning is organic and that we will get what we need when we need it.  I choose to trust my creator and live to bring peace, love, and joy to the world around me.  I choose to be proactive not reactive to my world.  I choose to reply to people with love and not anger.

Dodger still struggles a bit with letting go of the control... so I gently remind him to trust our daughter and to be there for her and talk to her about her world.  Not to control her world for her.

I look to other unschoolers who have *been-there-done-that* and take their example and apply it to my life... knowing that they are off the beaten path but they are way more grounded and living a much more beautiful and full life than the rest of the world that I see.  I take their opinions about my hang-ups and really try to see their POV... if I took it personally (like I've seen too many people do), I wouldn't be able to *get it* and apply it to my life.

TV, Limits, and Unschooling

There's been a huge discussion happening on the Always Learning group about TV. I'm not going to post everything that has been written but pretty much the gist of the conversation is that there is one unschooling mom who has made the choice not to have a TV in her house because she herself has a problem with spending too much time watching it. Her concern is, is she really limiting her daughter's world by not having one. Is it really an unschooling "no-no" not to have a TV in her home.

Joyce Fetteroll gives a wonderful response to that question (posted below).

On Aug 10, 2006, at 4:13 PM, (anonymous) wrote:

> my question is: Is is really such an "unschooling no-no" to have a home without a TV? <

I think a better question is "Am I expanding or contracting my child's world by what I'm doing?"

It's not that kids can't learn without TV. Kids have been learning ever since their only toys were sticks and rocks!

There are unschoolers who live beyond the range of decent TV reception. There's a whole world of options that aren't TV. And we can talk about options for bringing the world to kids when broadcast isn't available.

But, when TV is available, when *parents* make the conscious choice not to bring it into their homes, it is the same as deciding not to use books or not to use the internet or not to go to plays. It's deliberately cutting off a resource.

And a secondary effect is that *when parents think TV is bad*, it's very difficult for children not to pick up that message. No matter how careful the parents are. No matter how much they insist that if the child asks for it, they'll get a TV. The child *can't* freely choose TV without knowingly choosing something she knows her parents think is bad.

Same goes for non-organic food. Other religions. Plastic. Anything the parents have decided is *bad*, that they don't for themselves want in the house, can't be freely chosen by a child.

That's not an absolute pronouncement that every parent who feels uncomfortable about TV will have children who feel uncomfortable about watching it. But the atmosphere is there, nonetheless. And it takes a lot of extra, special interaction to counteract the message the parents are silently sending.

So it isn't truthful to say "Yes, you can choose not to have TV and your child will grow up without picking up your fears and will be just as knowledgeable as those who have free access." You're creating a situation that is likely to lead to a child feeling she can't freely choose TV when she wants. Can you counteract that? It will entirely depend on your awareness and sensitivity of your daughter, your awareness of yourself impact and your ability to counteract what you're creating. It will be dependent on your personalities and your environment.

We can help you see what the world looks like from your child's point of view. We can help you create an environment of freedom. But we can't help you counteract a deliberate limiting of your child's world. That's work you'll have to do yourself because what's needed -- if it's possible -- will entirely depend on the personalities and abilities in your family.

Joyce

Pam gives this response:

On Aug 10, 2006, at 1:13 PM, (anonymous) wrote:

> I DID say that I feel TV is evil, but I ALSO qualified that by saying not "evil" in the "devil" sense, but just something bad for me, personally. <

You have to expect people will take you at your word, on a list like this one. When you said "tv is evil," I understood you didn't mean in the "devil" sense, but, instead, in the usual sense of the word meaning extremely malevolent and harmful.

As for whether or not you can unschool without a tv? Sure. But tv's are inexpensive and offer a more glorious and bountiful window to a wider world than any other resource, so to choose not to have one because you think it is "evil," is not a particularly "create-a-rich-environment" kind of unschooling parent approach.

Also, people "can" live without all kinds of things. My husband grew up with literally only one toy - he received one small toy bear as a gift and that was the ONLY toy he ever had. He played in the countryside with rocks and sticks and he had a wonderful childhood.

So, should we have decided to let our children have only one toy? Why should we decide to deprive our children, on purpose, of wonderful joy-bringing things - things we can afford?

-pam

So, You're Still Spanking Your Kids?...

Spanking is all to prevalent in the Christian community (violence when we should be spreading love... especially to our own children)... I really want you to pray, open your hearts and minds to change, and then read Amanda's blog and her wonderful explanation to why we shouldn't spank our kids. There are three posts at this link, please read them all. :)

More on spanking and other punishment

“Rebellious Children?” by Sharon Hockenbury

Sharon is a fellow unschooler and posted this during a discussion on our unschooling yahoo group. **Reprinted here with permission.**

I have thought about "rebellious children" a lot in my own family. I have 9 children. The oldest is 24, the youngest is 3. The ones remaining at home are almost 17, 14, 12, 9, 7, 3. I just want to share some "ramblings" with you and use what you can. First of all, if you are like me, you have read a lot and HOPED for all that you perceive that God would have for your family. In other words, you have expectations. When our children begin to "come into their own" and they fall short of our expectations, they sense our "conditional love". Our body language, our comments and our reactions show our disappointment. I believe this causes even a greater division. One of the things that I have been working on is NOT reacting to their actions, but responding slowly allowing the Holy Spirit time to invoke wisdom in my answer. To love unconditionally is a HUGE challenge. It is so easy when the baby is snuggled to your breast or a smiling toddler greets your sleepy eyes in the morning. It is definitely more challenging when the eyes of the teen glare with resentment and disdain. I see homeschoolers "bail" so to speak. No judgement intended here, but we have a hard time persevering. The teenager gets mouthy, it's not the "yes mom" child any more and we send them back to school, or begin to clamp down in fear. I've seen children pulled out, put back in. The message is: "I'll deal with you as long as it is easy. Cause me trouble and I am bailing.". They need to know, come hell or high water, you are going to stick with what God has called you do . I've had said to my children more than once. "I love you, all that I do is motivated by love and I am not going to bail on what God wants me to do. NO matter how difficult it is, I am in this for the long haul." As far as the younger children go, if they see you acting in righteousness, the light will overshadow the darkness. I talk to my younger children about what they see and what they think. I then keep referring back to the Bible to show them the truth.

Be proactive and not reactive. My daughter's first "love" was a non-christian druggy. She thought she could save him. Thank God she did not fall into sin with him. It was my REACTION to forbid her to see him. Instead, we told her he was welcome in our home anytime. We loved him, and shared the Gospel. We walked through the rough waters. It was not always pleasant, but the night she finally broke off the relationship on her own accord, we sat and cried in each others arms until dawn. In my idealistic dreams, her first should have been her husband and her first kiss on her wedding day, I am not God and He dreams bigger for my daughter than I do. She is married now to an incredible Christian man! She tells me the greatest gift I gave her was a strong sense of self and confidence.

My mom gave me this advice, which I think is very good. Whenever we tell the teen child that something is "right" or "wrong", in the Bible or against the Bible, they will usually get their feathers ruffled. We know it is the flesh, but their immaturity and lack of wisdom will not let them see this. My wording things in a way that minimizes the opportunity for argument helps. Try saying, "I am not comfortable or at peace with such and such." Bottom line, it is your home and how you "feel" in it IS important. We over come by the blood of the Lamb and the POWER OF OUR TESTIMONY. They may disagree with our ideals, but our testimony is ours! Another thing I am FINALLY learning is not to take their insults personally. To respond, "I am sorry you feel that way." and call it a day. I am not a bad mom because my children have bad attitudes. I am in the process also. I wish I could have been perfected when the Lord decided to make me a parent, but obviously that is not the case. But one person's sin or faults is NEVER license for another to sin. Keep seeking the Lord in faith. Cry out for wisdom and for unconditional love to be poured out in your heart. I can look on others with love knowing they are in sin, yet find my self being far to conditional with my own less than perfect children. I said to my oldest son one day. "You know, when I just step back and objectively look at who you are and what you are doing, I really like you. You are a great young man." It made him beam. I began to speak life to him. How great he is right NOW! . I quite drowning him in religious expectation and started to really believe that God has a plan for him and a process. I began to see that the tatoos and the chewing tabacco, ( no judgement on tatoos, just another "expectation" I had that was definitely challenged), were not the measure of who he is or will what he will be when God is done with him. Mind you, he is almost 24 and just got back from Iraq. He is incredibly confident in who he is and has a great world view. He is born again and does love us. He can communicate with us. We do not always agree, but I know he loves us. My daughter is 22.

Again, if I step back and look from outside my legalistic mother eyes, my children are great people.! So. the beat goes on!!! God is faithful. Who HE is IS , IS important!! Keep seeking Him with your whole heart and learn to rest in HIS provision. Ask for wisdom, expect to hear from God and He will be there to give you all you need. In the battle with you!

Thanks, Sharon, for letting me post this here. I love the journey that I'm on with my daughter. I am so glad that the Lord has brought me out of legalism so soon in my parenting and in my life. I have a tendency to be very passionate about letting go of the self-imposed rules and living in the freedom that we received when Jesus Christ died on the cross for us so long ago. Sometimes my passion boils over in a way that doesn't seem so positive (though that is certainly not my intention)... I am working on extending that grace that I've received to others. Usually it's other Christians that I have a problem with because I have a tough time with what Christianity has become.

I hope that your post can help someone else see a different POV... to make the home the cushion instead of the battleground.

Update: on Sean Paddock... Beating Victim of Pearl Instructed Mother

Autopsy: Blankets were to keep boy in bed

This horrific case of child abuse was one of the reasons I left HomeSchoolBlogger.com and don't link to or support anything that they have to do with including TOS (The Old Schoolhouse) Magazine and HomeSteadblogger.com.

You can read more about this issue and the original article about Sean Paddock and Gina Suarez's (publisher of TOS and homeschoolblogger) support of the Pearl's Baby Beating and Parenting Instruction in my post: Why I Left HomeschoolBlogger.

Oh, Happy Day!

The craziness of last week is over!!!! The dance concert (feat. The Wizard of Oz) went great! Dancer was so adorable. I'll post some pictures as soon as I get them loaded.

She also made me a cute Mother's Day card which I took pictures of. She is such a doll, and we have developed such a great relationship since she's been home and even more so since our unschooling lifestyle has progressed.

It's sad for me to see other moms and daughters who don't have that relationship with each other... because of lack of respect and boundaries. I see it all around me and it makes me even more aware of my own relationship with her and how much I cherish it. I never had that kind of relationship with my own mother, so I have consciously made the changes in my life that need to be made so that my daughter and I do have a close relationship.

Rated R for not Really

A few days ago while letting my Dancer play on the computer a bit the movie "My Cousin Vinny" came on. I noticed it was rated R. I couldn't in my head picture why it would be so... there's no violence, no gore, no nudity or sex. Then within the first 30 minutes I realized why, the language. I've heard people in the grocery store talk the same way and we watch a lot of shows on Comedy Central, so the language doesn't usually bother me... it's not necessary but it doesn't bother me when seeing it on TV. IRL, I'd rather hear people use real-thought out-yes I do have a brain-language instead of the potty mouths I hear... but hey, I'm no saint! I do use that language ESO when I'm upset... I don't make it a regular part of my vocabulary.

Anyhow, I got off the subject. About 30 minutes into the show, Dancer came over and laid down with me, and I told her that there was bad language in it but that she could watch it if she wanted to. She's like, "Mom, like I would ever say those words." She wasn't even interested in watching it, actually she took over the TV and changed it to some cartoons or the nick game shows that she likes watching.

All along, the ladies on the unschooling yahoo groups that I'm a part of have been saying that our young ones won't be interested in watching those adult movies. We get all kinds of concerns right and left coming from those who are just starting out in radical unschooling. I do keep the V-chip turned on on the TV in her room, just so I don't have to worry about what she might be exposed to when we (Dodger or I) are not hanging around and watching things with her. But there have been some things that we've all watched together and been able to discuss things that she may not understand with her.

Once again, the issue of trusting our children comes into play...

Why NOT Limits and Rules

There's a good discussion going on on one of the unschooling yahoo groups about limits and rules... here is a wonderful post by Joyce Fetteroll about how arbitrary rules really hinder our children's emotional growth.

In response to "But I have a different take on it, especially for young children. I view them (rules and limits) as a safety box, if you will." Joyce wrote:

You *can* view limits and safety that way. But it won't help you see
how helping kids get what they want -- like not get hit by a car, not
getting shocked by a knife put in an outlet-- is different than
putting a fence around them because of what you fear will happen.

Limits say "I don't trust you. You're not competent enough." For many
kids that's a challenge! They want to test themselves even against
things they wouldn't want to try. When the world is divided between
what you can and can't do, it's natural to want to test yourself on
what others believe you aren't capable of handling. But when the
world is divided between what you enjoy and what you don't enjoy,
there isn't a reason to do the things you don't enjoy.

Life is risky. But we can be there with them to keep them from
imminent death, to help them figure out situations as they arise.
That's how people learn :-)

Principles work a lot better. If the principle is safety and a child
knows mom will help them do what they want, there isn't a reason to
try to sneak to do something risky. When they're younger, of course,
we can't depend on them understanding the consequences of every
choice. Our presence is what's needed then, not rules and limits as a
subsitute for our presence.

I love that response. I see it all around me with kids. I see the light in their eyes slowly fade as parents bind them up with ridiculous rules and regulations. I see them either become robots and follow blindly or rebel and do everything they can to break free (and this is without guidance mind you). I have friends who do this to there own kids and it breaks my heart. I'm probably known as the "bad mommy" but I've always found arbitrary rules ridiculous. Why the double standard people? Why is it ok for you to eat your desert before dinner but not your kids? Why is it ok for you to stay up late to see that movie that you've been dying to see but not your kids? Because you're adults? Fiddlesticks! That's ridiculous and you know it.

Hitting Is Not Patient by Susan Lawrence

Hitting is not patient; hitting is not kind;

hitting is arrogant and rude and adults who hit children are insisting on their own way.

Adults who hit children are irritable and resentful;

they punish what they perceive as wrongdoing,

instead of rejoicing in the truthful nature of children.

Adults who hit children cannot bear, or believe in, or find hope in,

or endure the normal behavior of children.

Hitting should end.

http://www.parentinginjesusfootsteps.org/lawrence-article-2.html

Why I Left HomeschoolBlogger.com

Do any of you blog on the homeschool blogger? Some homeschoolers are boycotting them because they have banner ads for the The Old Schoolhouse Magazine (which runs full page ads for the Pearl's lecture series and books contained within), the Pearl's advocate "training" children by beating them with plumbing supplies because they're cheap and won't leave bruises.  (HomeschoolBlogger.com and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine are both interlinked in their ownership!  Gina Suarez.)
Here's a mothering.com discussion about it: www.mothering.com

A bit about the owner of homeschoolblogger defending the Pearls:
In an article published today about a child abuse case in NC, Gina Suarez, publisher of Homeschoolblogger.com, is quoted defending the use of plumbing supply lines to beat your child. "[The Pearls] are talking about something that would fit in a purse," Suarez said. "The only way you can kill a child with that is by shoving it down his throat." www.newsobserver.com

Here's an article where the Pearls (the dad on this page) tell women to stay with husbands even if they beat them, beat the kids, or molest the kids. If he won't stop molesting the kids you can have him arrested and testify against him but you should be waiting "with open arms" for him when he gets out. UGH. www.nogreaterjoy.org

Here is some more discussions on the issue: www.tulipgirl.com

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