Loving What Is

Every morning I wake up to evidence that my husband, the love of my life, lives here. His clothes are on the bathroom floor, behind the door. The cabinets in the kitchen are usually left open. There is usually a cup with a milk ring at the bottom and evidence of a late night snack on the floor in the living room.

For the longest time, I hated it. I hated picking up after him. I resented his careless living style. The messes made me feel like he didn't care.

Lots of things have changed since then. I worked on my heart issues and stopped resenting him. We've connected at a deeper level, emotionally, since then. I've worked along side him at his job and I know how hard he works, how much he cares, and just how physically and mentally taxing his business can be for him.

So today, as I'm cleaning up the little messes reminders that he (he... the love of my life... the one who I come to love deeper on a daily basis... the one who mirrors my issues right back at me... the one I chose to be with for the rest of my life.) lives here, I realize that one day he will be gone and I'll miss the very things that I used to resent. There will no longer be any daily evidence of his existence, of his life, in our home. Maybe I'll be the first to go and he'll miss the daily evidence that I live here... that I take care of him and have his back... and he'll miss me.

Please quit taking your spouses for granted. Love them for who they are. They are not the little messes or the little mistakes. Welcome them home at the door with a smile and a hug.

It took a long time for me to get here, to this place inside of me, that appreciates the messes and forgives the mistakes. But I'll tell you, it was worth it, so very worth it.

One day, I'll have to leave the cabinet doors open, the clothes on the floor, and evidence of a late night snack, just so I can remember just how much his love and his life means to me.

Pace Smith, writer and spiritual misfit, wrote a really great blog post about resentment. It's lovely and I think it would change your heart if you took the time to read it.