Wednesday, March 28, 2007

A Small Update

As I look back, I really feel no shame in the fact that I haven't kept up with my blog. We've settled into our unschooling life and I have left behind the need to be the unschooling guru or the flaming advocate.

I've begun to use FlyLady to get our home and lives in order. I use her as it fits into our family personality. We all have a tendency to put things off and fly by the seat of our pants... we are all very creative thinkers and it tends to let things slide. So we needed some backbone to our lives. This is all God's leading... some structure (although loosely... too much crushes us into a tiny box and that's not cool) and responsibility.

We've (Dancer and I) have put together a loose "learning" schedule. There's no set work just daily guides to keep us on track with what we choose to study. Dancer deschooled for about a year and a half... and she's really excited to be in control of some structure to her learning. She's been learning all this time... she loves gaming, animals, and info about the states. But sometimes she'll come to me with stuff she wants more info about and either I or both of us will forget and not get around to getting stuff about it. So this daily schedule will help us to remember to stay focused on these self-directed studies.

I will be more active in blogging as time allows. :)

Saturday, March 3, 2007

March 2 2007

So here I am awake with little sleep. I can't sleep...too much crap running through my head. Went to dinner and a movie with Sarah last night. It was a good time. She's going on a date tonight (first in six years) and I am thrilled for her. I'm just wondering why I'm the friend that was the last to know.

I hate being the last-to-know friend. Am I that friend because my excitement doesn't show through the seriousness that is my personality? It just sucks that I'm not first on anyone's list. She only invites me to "family" things now because I got upset one time before after I found out Deria was invited. I wonder, what do these other friends have that I don't have?

I'm sure a lot of this neurosis stems from what Shawn did to me... it's a horrible thing what she did. I still can't believe she was capable of it.

And to top my evening off, Dodger left me hangin' in bed...two days in a row.

So here I am... I can't freaking' sleep. I'm so tired...and I'm angry and hurt over my relationships. I don't know why I continue to invest emotionally in people...it seems so much easier to just shut down. But I know when I shut down that I stop growing...and I don't want to stop that part of my life.

I just wonder, when do I get to be first in someone's thoughts and actions?

Thursday, March 1, 2007

March 1 2007

 "Abstinence is the easiest thing I have ever done." - Voices of Recovery, p. 61

I have found this to be true but it's only been easy since I turned complete control of my life and my over to God. Complete control! I spent years trying to fix myself only to have my life continue to spiral out of control. I never got control...I still don't...God does. Everyday I ask him, "How can I serve you today?" Everyday, he shows me a way.