Daily Photo: Ready to be Filled

It's been a slow day here at home. I had plans to have Easter dinner at my aunt and uncle's house this afternoon but I woke up with a headache, a sore throat, and a scratchy voice. Dodger gave me his cold. Remind me to thank him for that... not. So, I drove Dancer over to my mom to catch a ride, so that she wouldn't have to miss the fun family time, too.

The weather is quite lovely. I'd love to be out enjoying it. I think spring weather is finally here. Here's what it did outside just a week ago.

Now the snow is almost melted. What a difference a week can make in life.

Although tomorrow is my official start day for my month off of Facebook, I've decided to just go ahead and stay off of it today. I'm trying to clear my mind so that I can really focus on my goals this month.

I think I could use a nap but 4 pm is a little late for one, so I'm going to work on filling up that to-do chart in the picture above.

Daily Photo: Preparing for a Facebook-free April

April is National Poetry Month and a Poem {Sick for You}

I used to write poetry a lot in my high school and early adulthood years.  Since April is National Poetry Month, I think I'll take this as a catalyst to work on reading poetry, writing some new poetry, and posting some old ones.

Here's one of my favorites from my past...

Sick for you

On my way to another day of dying

Join me on my journey to wonderland

Where we can run free

and dance to our wild dreams

And be lovers forever in a bottle of wax

And drown in the knowledge of our skinless souls

mixing together like sand

Come with me and we will be free

Just like we used to be

When our love was so easy and we could just be

When 'you and me' were happy being 'we'

© 1994 L. J. Lowe

Excuse Me While I Take a Break

I haven't been shy about my thoughts about leaving Facebook.  I blogged about it earlier in the week and a few nights ago I went on an internet search to read about why other people have given Facebook the axe.  I found all sorts of reasons, from privacy concerns, to Facebook's lack of concern for their users, to personal reasons for quitting.

One post I came across was by well-known blogger, Steve Pavlina. titled "30-Day Facebook Fast."  I don't need to go into all of the details.  You can read it for yourself.  I just found myself agreeing with all of his points and after thinking it over, I've decided to take a 30-day Facebook break during the month of April.  So on March 31st, I'm going to log-out of Facebook and won't return until May 1st.

My friend, Bea, from across the sea left Facebook a few months ago for personal reasons.  I think that's what has given me the confidence to try the 30-day break.

Me and Bea
I was so thrilled to get to meet her last fall
when she was in the states traveling with her boys...
who are totally adorable, by the way.

I'm really going to challenge myself to focus on the things that I haven't been consistent in before now and to try new things during the month.

Here are a few things I'm going to focus on during my break:

• Fitness & Health - I'm not very consistent when it comes to this.  I plan to read more about what it takes to really transform my body and to tip-toe a bit further into cooking.
• Blogging - I really want to make a point to blog something everyday.  I've always been pretty good with the behind-the-scenes of blogging, with coding and what-not, but now I want to start to focus on the actual act of putting words and images down and hitting Publish.
• Connecting - I really want to focus on connecting and reconnecting with certain people in my life by making phone calls, writing letters and notes, and when necessary using email.
• Creating - I used to be an avid sewer and crafter.  That's gotten lost somewhere over the years.  To start with, I'm going to sew up some fabric pantyliners for a friend and then I really want to focus on getting an Etsy store going.

That's it, to start with.  That's quite a bit to focus on in only 30 days.  With the weather here getting warmer and those things, I'll have more than enough to keep me busy.

10 Years Ago Today...

Dodger and I got married.

This is the post-it note I left him on the bathroom mirror to find this morning when he got up to get ready for work.

We're low-key like that... no grand gestures... just little reminders that we matter to each other and that we remember each other.

I helped him at one of his jobs last night, removing wallpaper.  Just outside the bedroom door of the couple who's room is being painted soon, they had wall art that said... Always kiss me goodnight.  I absolutely said, "Aw. That's so sweet and it's true.  We could be like your aunt and uncle and one of us could just not wake up one day."

Man, I love him so stinkin' much.  Every moment of almost 22 years together now has been worth it.  Some of that time was so very, very hard.  We have had a ton of growing pains.  He's still my best friend ever and forever.  I have no plans for that to ever change.

Something changes the moment you decide you’ve found a person you are ready to reveal parts of your soul to. Something stands out and makes the moment unique. A profound multidimensional clarity resembling a piece of carefully gathered stardust; As if you are whispering “finally” and your eyes fill with light and spontaneity. As if you do not care whether your heart will melt or crumble in the process because your brief courage undoes your tremendous fear of disbelief. You live for these moments; For you are, maybe for one second or more, sweetly forced to surrender yourself to unconditional intimacy. A moment of psychological reward smashing all self-imposed disciplines founded on terror. This is all you need.” — Anaïs Nin; “The Diary of Anaïs Nin"

I Want to Leave Facebook... So Freakin' Bad

I've gone through times before where I considered leaving Facebook in the dust and never looking back but I've always stayed because it is the one place on the internet where I can have all of those special people in my life that I've met over the years, both offline and online, in one place and can keep in touch with them.  Lately, though, I've been heavily considering following through with leaving.  Sometimes Facebook can be the most unhealthy, narcissistic place on the internet.  Dodger would say that the whole thing is very... "Look at me, look at me."  Sometimes I really hate being there.  The only thing currently keeping me there are a few handfuls of people on my friend list.  I just can't get past leaving my instant access to their awesomeness behind.

So my solution has been to really think about how I use my Lists, Notifications, and News Feed.  Adjustments are currently being made in how I use Facebook.  I'd love to say it's not personal, but it is.  Some people on my friends list really annoy me and I no longer want to see their posts in my News Feed.  Sometimes I don't feel comfortable posting updates to my whole friends list, so I use my Lists options to only show those posts to certain friends.  I've turned off almost all of my Notifications because, well, just because I didn't want so many anymore.

It's either make these adjustments or leave.  So for right now, I'm choosing the former.

Update 1:  Pace and Kyeli's newest post is unbelievably timely.  I totally love their blog.  I'm embedding their newest message below.




Update 2: Now I know the Universe is speaking to me because Jodi Chapman's newest blog post is about unplugging from the online world.

Update 3:  A full-fledged Facebook break is now in session for the month of April.  It remains to be seen if and when I will ever go back and what those terms will be.

The Salad Bar Approach To Life aka Take What You Need and Leave the Rest

When someone shares advice based on parts of their life that they know to be true, you don't have to take it all to heart.  Some of it might not apply to your situation right now.  You don't have to make excuses for why it doesn't apply to you or why it worked for them but it won't work for you.  There is no need to comment in the negative about something that worked positively for someone else.

Say for instance, a friend shares an article with you that they felt helped them in some way or just thought it gave some good advice on how to handle a situation that we all face in life.  It is not necessary to reply to them in the negative, all of the ways that the advice in that article won't work for you.  Maybe it won't all work for you and your situation.  Not all advice applies to everyone in every situation or space in time.  Maybe you are making excuses to stay stuck.  That is a possibility, too.  But it is true that you can take the salad bar approach and take what you need and leave the rest.

When you walk into a restaurant and order the salad bar, I doubt that you bitch and moan about all of the available offerings to add to your plate.  You don't need to, you just take what you need and leave the rest.  The same goes for life and the advice out there for us to partake in.  There is no need to bitch and moan about what someone is graciously offering you based upon what's worked for them.  You take what you need and leave the rest for someone else who needs it and wants it.

Just because it won't work for you, for whatever reasons or excuses you might give, that doesn't make it invalid or unnecessary.  It doesn't mean it won't be valuable to someone else.  The salad bar approach to life is the higher road.  It leaves you to own responsibility for your own life and lets others do the same.  It lets us partake in what works for us, right now, and leaves the rest for others to choose from.  Not everyone likes the same salad fixings.

Two Dogs and Some Grunt Work

Beautiful partition between the front door and the living room.

Today was an early morning for me. Dodger needed my help at Caroline and Bob's, clients of his. I do a lot of the "grunt" work, like setting and moving drops, helping him hang plastic, taping trim, etc.

I'm actually here with him as I'm writing this post. I won't be able to post it, though, until after I get back home to our WiFi. There is a guest WiFi signal here but I don't know the password.

Right now I'm waiting for my next instructions from "the boss" on what to do. I do a lot of sitting around when I help him at work.

They have an assortment of wildlife here, both inside and outside.  They have two cute dogs, Sadie and Sasha, and two skittish cats.  They also have two rats.  The little dog, Sasha, loves the rats.  She just watches and watches them whenever she's in that room.  They live next to a creek and wooded area, so I've seen deer come and go from the back yard, too.

They have a beautiful place that will be even more beautiful when Dodger gets done painting it.  Here are a few more pictures from the place.

Artwork above their entertainment center that I thought was interesting.

Beautiful, huge windows that look out to the backyard.

Sasha, the littlest doggie.  She's one my hubs likes best.

15 Things I've Learned About Selfless Living

I was a very selfish person for a very long time.  It's taken years to work through that and to live life from a selflessness that nurtures me as well as others.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, selfishness still rears it's ugly head now and then but it's easier to put back in it's place now.

Here's my list of "truths" I've learned along the way:

1. If you want better friendships, be a better friend.
2. If you want more love, love more.
3. If you want more kindness, be kind.
4. If you want a better connection with your spouse, then be with them as much as possible.
5. If you want more help, be of help to others.
6. If you want more peace, look inward and listen to the deepest part of your being.
7. If you want more joy, be joyful.
8. Happiness is always there, even in the sadness.
9. The less you judge, the less you care that others judge you.
10. Be yourself, always.  If you don't know who you are then make it a priority to find out.
11. You are responsible for you, no one else.  Take control of your thoughts, your actions, and your words.  They matter more than you want to believe.
12. Do not ask to be desired by others.  That only places your power in their hands.  If you have needs, then you are responsible for taking care of them.
13. Don't expect anyone to read your mind.  If you need something of someone, you will have to open your mouth and ask.  Repeat as often as necessary.
14. Sometimes a 2x4 helps get the point across.  Just kidding!  Learn to communicate.
15. Life is what it is and it is what you make of it.  It will go on, with or without you, so be a part of it right now!  

My bonus truth... live in the moment, today!  Let go of the past and let go of the worries about tomorrow.  We have only now.  Do your very best in the NOW.

I Want Happiness

How's That Workin' for Ya? aka Do the Opposite

So, evaluate your life and the way you approach those things that push your buttons.  How's that workin' for ya?  Is it getting you what you want?  Is it promoting peace and love in your life and your relationships?  Do you overreact or let it go?  Do you even have to react at all?  I mean, really, is it that important that you nitpick to the bone every infraction put upon you?  Again, how's that workin' for ya?  How is what you're doing right now in life serving you?

If what you're doing is working great for you, then you've got this life thing pretty well managed.  You've learned some pretty important lessons about what's truly important and you rarely let things get under your skin.  You've got it goin' on.  You know that you're in control of your emotions and your actions and you take full responsibility for them.

If on the other hand, you're reacting to every little thing, you're always stressed out, and everyone else is to blame for your feelings, then maybe it's time to do the opposite of what you've been doing up to now.  Maybe it's time to stop playing the victim and start working on non-attachment.  Maybe it's time to take back the power you've been giving away and own up to your own roll in how you're reacting to other people's infractions.

I did it.  I'm still working on it.  Everyday is another day I get "tested" and every test is a new opportunity to be fully in control of my own emotions, my own words, and my own roll in this life.  I don't do it perfectly each time.  But each time I learn to be stronger in myself, so that I can do it better next time.  I work on being perfectly imperfect.  I'm good with that level of perfection.

My first steps into doing the opposite weren't easy.  They were uncomfortable because there was a comfort in playing the victim and martyring myself.  I had been hurt.  I had a right to be treated well.  I wasn't going to back down.  I, I, I.  But then, when I really thought about the end results that my actions and reactions were bringing into reality, I realized that what I was doing wasn't working and it damn well wasn't going to bring anymore peace and happiness into my life or the lives of anyone around me.  So, I changed--slowly and uncomfortably--I worked on things.  Imperfectly, I worked on things.  Slowly and eventually things changed.  They got better.

There's never any end to the process.  It doesn't stop with us until we die.  There's no easy button.  You either do the things that bring peace, love, and happiness or you don't.  Either way, you got what you wanted--you got what you worked towards--you reaped what you sowed.  It takes as long as it takes and it takes as much work as it takes.  It starts with you.  It always starts with you.

Go Make Your Bed... Shine Your Sink... Or Whatever

By now, I think, that most women have some knowledge of FlyLady and her tips, tricks, and schedules to get and keep your house clean and organized.  She's great.  I've taken quite a few of her ideas and tweaked them to fit me, my home, my lifestyle, and my personality over the years.

One of those things I've taken and made my own is her insistence on shining the sink every night.  My sink can't be shined.  It's old.  It's really, really old.  Think old metal cabinets old.  What's that, from the 1950s or something?  There's that and there's the fact that Dodger has been a painter for most of the time that we've lived here, 16 years now, and we clean his brushes and roller covers in that sink.  If I scrub hard, I can usually free it from the random paint stains but in no way, shape, or form can it be shined.

Besides, I'm not really "at home" in my kitchen or any kitchen, for that matter.  The kitchen is really Dodger's domain.  He's a fabulous cook.  He's one of those people who uses food and cooking in a creative way.  He doesn't ever use a recipe and comes up with some of the best tasting food I've ever had the pleasure to put in my mouth... I like to eat.

What I have found, is that I LOVE having my bed made everyday.  I make it within 30 minutes of crawling out of it each morning.  I love my bedspread, that Dodger brought home from a client last summer, and the throw pillows that I recovered last fall.  Making my bed helps me set the tone for the rest of my day.  If I have a bad moment during the day, I can go flop myself on top of my beautiful bed and snuggle up a bit under the handmade crocheted afghan, that I also keep on the bed, and feel a little bit better and tucked away from the harsh world outside my bedroom door.

What you also can't tell is that in between the beautiful handmade bedspread and top sheet is a well-loved reminder of some of the most wonderful memories of my childhood.  Sometime last year, I found my old Smurfs sleeping blanket in a box in my garage.  I've had that sleeping blanket since I was a young child.  I used it every summer on family vacations and other camping trips.  It's witnessed tons of my most precious memories.  It's insides are all balled up now and it's faded and has a few holes but I could not bring myself to throw it away.  So now it's tucked away where it can't be seen but it's still useful to me.  It helps keep me warm at night, still.

Making my bed daily is my equivalent to FlyLady's shining of the sink.

So, if you don't like your sink, your kitchen, or for whatever reason shining your sink doesn't "get you off", then find what does!  Find one thing that you can do everyday that makes you smile, makes you happy, and sets the tone for the rest of your day.  Find the one thing that you can go to throughout the day to admire and to find peace in when things get a little rough.

FlyLady is great and all.... but what she recommends is only great for you if it works for you.  If it doesn't, then change it.  Find your FlyLady equivalent.

You'd never know just by looking at them that one of those pillows is a Scooby-Doo pillow and another is a Spongebob pillow.

The hand appliqued bed coverlet that one of my husband's clients sent home with him one day. They were getting rid of it. I absolutely love it. It's direct from India, which is where his clients are from. What you can't see is that underneath that coverlet is my childhood Smurfs sleeping bag that I can't bear to get rid of.

Loving What Is

Every morning I wake up to evidence that my husband, the love of my life, lives here. His clothes are on the bathroom floor, behind the door. The cabinets in the kitchen are usually left open. There is usually a cup with a milk ring at the bottom and evidence of a late night snack on the floor in the living room.

For the longest time, I hated it. I hated picking up after him. I resented his careless living style. The messes made me feel like he didn't care.

Lots of things have changed since then. I worked on my heart issues and stopped resenting him. We've connected at a deeper level, emotionally, since then. I've worked along side him at his job and I know how hard he works, how much he cares, and just how physically and mentally taxing his business can be for him.

So today, as I'm cleaning up the little messes reminders that he (he... the love of my life... the one who I come to love deeper on a daily basis... the one who mirrors my issues right back at me... the one I chose to be with for the rest of my life.) lives here, I realize that one day he will be gone and I'll miss the very things that I used to resent. There will no longer be any daily evidence of his existence, of his life, in our home. Maybe I'll be the first to go and he'll miss the daily evidence that I live here... that I take care of him and have his back... and he'll miss me.

Please quit taking your spouses for granted. Love them for who they are. They are not the little messes or the little mistakes. Welcome them home at the door with a smile and a hug.

It took a long time for me to get here, to this place inside of me, that appreciates the messes and forgives the mistakes. But I'll tell you, it was worth it, so very worth it.

One day, I'll have to leave the cabinet doors open, the clothes on the floor, and evidence of a late night snack, just so I can remember just how much his love and his life means to me.

Pace Smith, writer and spiritual misfit, wrote a really great blog post about resentment. It's lovely and I think it would change your heart if you took the time to read it.