My Abstinence

So, my new sponsor has been having me work on developing my definition of abstinence (the OA version of sober)... basically the behaviors that I will label "this is abstinence for me."

 
So far, I've come up with that it's a mindful way of eating. If/when I'm in a binge, there's nothing mindful about what, how much, or the pace at which I'm eating.

 
So, right now, I've identified that l will put the fork/spoon down between each bite or when I'm eating something that doesn't require utensils, I will pull my hand away from my face or put the food item down between each bite.

 
I also think it's important that I mindfully taste my food. So, I've been more aware of how my food tastes and that I chew each bite fully before putting another in my mouth.

 
Additionally, I've also found it more mindful to look up from whatever it is that I'm eating. As if I were carrying on a conversation with someone over dinner, even if I'm eating alone.
It's a pause. It's creating space. It's intentional. It's mindful.

 
Doing this has been very interesting and very helpful as there are times when I'm in a rush due to my crazy schedule and the rush makes me feel like my eating is binging, when it's not. Developing my behavioral definition of abstinence (mindful behaviors) helps me be able to better track what's happening when I'm feeling like binging versus when I'm just feeling rushed due to my schedule.

How to Fill Your Life with Joy

Today's Quote

"With greater confidence in yourself and your abilities, you will set bigger goals, make bigger plans and commit yourself to achieving objectives that today you only dream about." - Brian Tracy

Digital Vision Boards for 2018

Who's Desires Come First?

Women tend to lose themselves in their children and spouse. Jada is right, we have to take care of our needs, otherwise we put our happiness in the hands of others, which causes us and the ones we love unnecessary suffering.

My Thoughts Upon Getting Ready to Start my Two Years at MU

Two more days.

Aside from feeling a little sick to my stomach and overwhelmed, I also feel lucky, blessed, privileged, grateful, thankful, and excited.

#alldreamsfulfilledhavesupportstaff

#nooneisanisland

#wheretheresawilltheresaway

Today’s affirmation

I accept everything that ever has been,
with no regrets, no resentments, and no call for vengeance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today's affirmation

I will breathe. I will think of solutions. I will not let my worry control me. I will not let my stress level break me. I will simply breathe. And it will be okay. Because I don’t quit. – Shayne McClendon

The Purge

In discussing stuff today and seeing a fabulous post on cool and interesting minimalists... while starting to feel the strain of less time and too much stuff still in my own possession... I feel the need to purge... LIKE.RIGHT.FREAKIN.NOW. So all of the books on the top shelf that were listed on PaperBackSwap are going to the library donate box this afternoon.

Kept only 3 items off the shelf... it was completely full earlier today.

Getting Quiet

I am a part of this wonderfully supportive online group of women.  When everyone else is being "bah humbug" and negative, these women are always sharing positivity and love.

Yesterday, I listened to one of them give her last online radio show for Hay House.  Her shows have always been great but this one was so spectacular.  I'm in an inner space right now where the inner gnawing is coming to the surface and I'm inclined to really listen this time.

Dancer is getting older and will be starting college next fall.  Being a "housewife" isn't all that fulfilling to me, even though I have developed a decent love for housework... except the toilet cleaning!  Ick.

It's time to break open the dam and let my creativity take hold again.  I need to surround myself with creative people and spaces again.  I used to work around it all the time before needing to change jobs because of Dancer's dance schedule.  Then I worked at a place that not only sucked the creativity out of me but also started to take my health.  I still, to this day, have a serious back problem from that last job.

I also want a way to help financially support my family that uses my creative energy without working for someone else again.  I refuse to have anyone else dictate my time and my life ever again.  It would take a serious financial hardship to get me to set foot in retail again or to have anyone tell me when I have to work and what days I can or cannot have off.

So right now, I'm working on getting quiet and really listening to my inner callings.  I need to listen and then get out of my own way so that it can flow.

More Than a Mom

The blogging world is flooded with "mommy bloggers"... those bloggers who's platform is about being a mom, raising kids, saving money, and all that jazz.  So many of them are carbon copies of each other that I wonder why they are blogging in the first place.  That's really none of my business but it does make me want to be sure that my blog doesn't turn into one of them.

When I read many of them, I wonder, "Who are these women outside of being a mom?  Is their life so consumed with motherhood that now that's how they define themselves?  I know I'm more than just a mom, do they?"

What I mean is that I don't define myself through this season of my life.  A mom is not all that I am, that I do, and it's not all that I ever wanted to be.

I think I'm a good mom and do this job pretty well but there is more to me than just that.  I've got a great daughter that makes this job as mom pretty easy going.  I really have no complaints at all.  I love my daughter very much but she's her own person, just like I am.  She is no more defined by me than I am by her.

So what am I...

I am alive.
I am love.
I am in-love.
I am human and spirit combined.
I am doing the best that I can in each moment.
I am blessed.
I am one that never gives up.

I am always growing, changing, and challenging myself.  I am defined in ways that can't be expressed in words.  Hopefully my actions will do me justice and my triumphs outshine my defeats.

How We Define Ourselves

It is human nature to define ourselves by what we do or the rolls we play: mother, wife, daughter, friend, nurse, accountant, painter, etc...

But what if we started to define ourselves by the truth of our existence: miracle, light, beauty, love, sacred, etc...

Would this make a difference in how we interact with the world around us and within us?

How would I treat myself if I thought I was sacred?

How would I love myself if nothing was wrong?

I'd be in the moment, enjoying what's inside

And sing to the world a glorious song.

How would you treat yourself if you thought you were sacred?

How would you love yourself if nothing was wrong?

You'd be in the moment, enjoying what's inside

And sing to the world a glorious song

You are sacred

You are sacred

You are sacred

You are sacred

How would we treat ourselves if we knew we were sacred?

How would we love ourselves if nothing was wrong?

We'd be in the moment, enjoying what's inside

And sing to the world a glorious song

Excuse Me While I Take a Break

I haven't been shy about my thoughts about leaving Facebook.  I blogged about it earlier in the week and a few nights ago I went on an internet search to read about why other people have given Facebook the axe.  I found all sorts of reasons, from privacy concerns, to Facebook's lack of concern for their users, to personal reasons for quitting.

One post I came across was by well-known blogger, Steve Pavlina. titled "30-Day Facebook Fast."  I don't need to go into all of the details.  You can read it for yourself.  I just found myself agreeing with all of his points and after thinking it over, I've decided to take a 30-day Facebook break during the month of April.  So on March 31st, I'm going to log-out of Facebook and won't return until May 1st.

My friend, Bea, from across the sea left Facebook a few months ago for personal reasons.  I think that's what has given me the confidence to try the 30-day break.

Me and Bea
I was so thrilled to get to meet her last fall
when she was in the states traveling with her boys...
who are totally adorable, by the way.

I'm really going to challenge myself to focus on the things that I haven't been consistent in before now and to try new things during the month.

Here are a few things I'm going to focus on during my break:

• Fitness & Health - I'm not very consistent when it comes to this.  I plan to read more about what it takes to really transform my body and to tip-toe a bit further into cooking.
• Blogging - I really want to make a point to blog something everyday.  I've always been pretty good with the behind-the-scenes of blogging, with coding and what-not, but now I want to start to focus on the actual act of putting words and images down and hitting Publish.
• Connecting - I really want to focus on connecting and reconnecting with certain people in my life by making phone calls, writing letters and notes, and when necessary using email.
• Creating - I used to be an avid sewer and crafter.  That's gotten lost somewhere over the years.  To start with, I'm going to sew up some fabric pantyliners for a friend and then I really want to focus on getting an Etsy store going.

That's it, to start with.  That's quite a bit to focus on in only 30 days.  With the weather here getting warmer and those things, I'll have more than enough to keep me busy.

I Want to Leave Facebook... So Freakin' Bad

I've gone through times before where I considered leaving Facebook in the dust and never looking back but I've always stayed because it is the one place on the internet where I can have all of those special people in my life that I've met over the years, both offline and online, in one place and can keep in touch with them.  Lately, though, I've been heavily considering following through with leaving.  Sometimes Facebook can be the most unhealthy, narcissistic place on the internet.  Dodger would say that the whole thing is very... "Look at me, look at me."  Sometimes I really hate being there.  The only thing currently keeping me there are a few handfuls of people on my friend list.  I just can't get past leaving my instant access to their awesomeness behind.

So my solution has been to really think about how I use my Lists, Notifications, and News Feed.  Adjustments are currently being made in how I use Facebook.  I'd love to say it's not personal, but it is.  Some people on my friends list really annoy me and I no longer want to see their posts in my News Feed.  Sometimes I don't feel comfortable posting updates to my whole friends list, so I use my Lists options to only show those posts to certain friends.  I've turned off almost all of my Notifications because, well, just because I didn't want so many anymore.

It's either make these adjustments or leave.  So for right now, I'm choosing the former.

Update 1:  Pace and Kyeli's newest post is unbelievably timely.  I totally love their blog.  I'm embedding their newest message below.




Update 2: Now I know the Universe is speaking to me because Jodi Chapman's newest blog post is about unplugging from the online world.

Update 3:  A full-fledged Facebook break is now in session for the month of April.  It remains to be seen if and when I will ever go back and what those terms will be.

The Salad Bar Approach To Life aka Take What You Need and Leave the Rest

When someone shares advice based on parts of their life that they know to be true, you don't have to take it all to heart.  Some of it might not apply to your situation right now.  You don't have to make excuses for why it doesn't apply to you or why it worked for them but it won't work for you.  There is no need to comment in the negative about something that worked positively for someone else.

Say for instance, a friend shares an article with you that they felt helped them in some way or just thought it gave some good advice on how to handle a situation that we all face in life.  It is not necessary to reply to them in the negative, all of the ways that the advice in that article won't work for you.  Maybe it won't all work for you and your situation.  Not all advice applies to everyone in every situation or space in time.  Maybe you are making excuses to stay stuck.  That is a possibility, too.  But it is true that you can take the salad bar approach and take what you need and leave the rest.

When you walk into a restaurant and order the salad bar, I doubt that you bitch and moan about all of the available offerings to add to your plate.  You don't need to, you just take what you need and leave the rest.  The same goes for life and the advice out there for us to partake in.  There is no need to bitch and moan about what someone is graciously offering you based upon what's worked for them.  You take what you need and leave the rest for someone else who needs it and wants it.

Just because it won't work for you, for whatever reasons or excuses you might give, that doesn't make it invalid or unnecessary.  It doesn't mean it won't be valuable to someone else.  The salad bar approach to life is the higher road.  It leaves you to own responsibility for your own life and lets others do the same.  It lets us partake in what works for us, right now, and leaves the rest for others to choose from.  Not everyone likes the same salad fixings.

15 Things I've Learned About Selfless Living

I was a very selfish person for a very long time.  It's taken years to work through that and to live life from a selflessness that nurtures me as well as others.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, selfishness still rears it's ugly head now and then but it's easier to put back in it's place now.

Here's my list of "truths" I've learned along the way:

1. If you want better friendships, be a better friend.
2. If you want more love, love more.
3. If you want more kindness, be kind.
4. If you want a better connection with your spouse, then be with them as much as possible.
5. If you want more help, be of help to others.
6. If you want more peace, look inward and listen to the deepest part of your being.
7. If you want more joy, be joyful.
8. Happiness is always there, even in the sadness.
9. The less you judge, the less you care that others judge you.
10. Be yourself, always.  If you don't know who you are then make it a priority to find out.
11. You are responsible for you, no one else.  Take control of your thoughts, your actions, and your words.  They matter more than you want to believe.
12. Do not ask to be desired by others.  That only places your power in their hands.  If you have needs, then you are responsible for taking care of them.
13. Don't expect anyone to read your mind.  If you need something of someone, you will have to open your mouth and ask.  Repeat as often as necessary.
14. Sometimes a 2x4 helps get the point across.  Just kidding!  Learn to communicate.
15. Life is what it is and it is what you make of it.  It will go on, with or without you, so be a part of it right now!  

My bonus truth... live in the moment, today!  Let go of the past and let go of the worries about tomorrow.  We have only now.  Do your very best in the NOW.

I Want Happiness

How's That Workin' for Ya? aka Do the Opposite

So, evaluate your life and the way you approach those things that push your buttons.  How's that workin' for ya?  Is it getting you what you want?  Is it promoting peace and love in your life and your relationships?  Do you overreact or let it go?  Do you even have to react at all?  I mean, really, is it that important that you nitpick to the bone every infraction put upon you?  Again, how's that workin' for ya?  How is what you're doing right now in life serving you?

If what you're doing is working great for you, then you've got this life thing pretty well managed.  You've learned some pretty important lessons about what's truly important and you rarely let things get under your skin.  You've got it goin' on.  You know that you're in control of your emotions and your actions and you take full responsibility for them.

If on the other hand, you're reacting to every little thing, you're always stressed out, and everyone else is to blame for your feelings, then maybe it's time to do the opposite of what you've been doing up to now.  Maybe it's time to stop playing the victim and start working on non-attachment.  Maybe it's time to take back the power you've been giving away and own up to your own roll in how you're reacting to other people's infractions.

I did it.  I'm still working on it.  Everyday is another day I get "tested" and every test is a new opportunity to be fully in control of my own emotions, my own words, and my own roll in this life.  I don't do it perfectly each time.  But each time I learn to be stronger in myself, so that I can do it better next time.  I work on being perfectly imperfect.  I'm good with that level of perfection.

My first steps into doing the opposite weren't easy.  They were uncomfortable because there was a comfort in playing the victim and martyring myself.  I had been hurt.  I had a right to be treated well.  I wasn't going to back down.  I, I, I.  But then, when I really thought about the end results that my actions and reactions were bringing into reality, I realized that what I was doing wasn't working and it damn well wasn't going to bring anymore peace and happiness into my life or the lives of anyone around me.  So, I changed--slowly and uncomfortably--I worked on things.  Imperfectly, I worked on things.  Slowly and eventually things changed.  They got better.

There's never any end to the process.  It doesn't stop with us until we die.  There's no easy button.  You either do the things that bring peace, love, and happiness or you don't.  Either way, you got what you wanted--you got what you worked towards--you reaped what you sowed.  It takes as long as it takes and it takes as much work as it takes.  It starts with you.  It always starts with you.

Loving What Is

Every morning I wake up to evidence that my husband, the love of my life, lives here. His clothes are on the bathroom floor, behind the door. The cabinets in the kitchen are usually left open. There is usually a cup with a milk ring at the bottom and evidence of a late night snack on the floor in the living room.

For the longest time, I hated it. I hated picking up after him. I resented his careless living style. The messes made me feel like he didn't care.

Lots of things have changed since then. I worked on my heart issues and stopped resenting him. We've connected at a deeper level, emotionally, since then. I've worked along side him at his job and I know how hard he works, how much he cares, and just how physically and mentally taxing his business can be for him.

So today, as I'm cleaning up the little messes reminders that he (he... the love of my life... the one who I come to love deeper on a daily basis... the one who mirrors my issues right back at me... the one I chose to be with for the rest of my life.) lives here, I realize that one day he will be gone and I'll miss the very things that I used to resent. There will no longer be any daily evidence of his existence, of his life, in our home. Maybe I'll be the first to go and he'll miss the daily evidence that I live here... that I take care of him and have his back... and he'll miss me.

Please quit taking your spouses for granted. Love them for who they are. They are not the little messes or the little mistakes. Welcome them home at the door with a smile and a hug.

It took a long time for me to get here, to this place inside of me, that appreciates the messes and forgives the mistakes. But I'll tell you, it was worth it, so very worth it.

One day, I'll have to leave the cabinet doors open, the clothes on the floor, and evidence of a late night snack, just so I can remember just how much his love and his life means to me.

Pace Smith, writer and spiritual misfit, wrote a really great blog post about resentment. It's lovely and I think it would change your heart if you took the time to read it.

Missing My White Space

Don't get me wrong... I love technology and what it's brought into my life but there's a downside to it and it's been bothering me lately. I think back to the time before AOL brought the whole world to my fingertips and I wonder how I filled my days.

What did I do in my free time? There was a ton more white space in my life then. Time to daydream and make plans. Time to go out and explore nature and soak up some sun. Now, it seems, I'm always connected to somewhere or someone online. Being constantly connected has only gotten easier over the years, with WiFi and mobile options, so many of us, more often than not have our face glued to some sort of machine.

I just miss the times when my brain had time to relax and I wasn't always searching for something new to do, or join, or learn, and I could just be alone with my thoughts... in the white space of my life.