You Can't Always Get What You Want... Why the Hell Not!?

So there's a great conversation going on over at the unschoolingbasics group... I'm posting Kelly Lovejoy's response to the original message that got it all started.

Original message:

So unschooled children, won't they always be very confident they
"will" get what they want and then be also as disappointed as I am
about not getting it? I'm learning to deal with it though but it has
taken years of crying each month for not being completely happy :-(

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I HOPE my chidren will always be confident that they will get what they
want. With the power to know *what* they want, they'll be able to deal
with temporary disappointments and set-backs. Thinking that they
weren't good *enough* or worthy *enough* could make them simply
quit---or not even bother to try. I'd much rather know that *they* know
that they are capable.

-=-=-=-=-

Original message:
There are no guarantees you will always get what you want.

-=-=-=-=-

No, but it IS guaranteed that, if you DON'T go after it at all, you
won't attain *anything*!

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Original message:

That's my passion and that's what I always wanted. Sure,
my parents weren't supportive at all,

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Sorry---you don't seem passionate *enough* to me.

Oh! And how is that "unsupportive parent thing" working out for *you*?
Do you want the same thing for your daughter? What would you do
differently for your daughter? Or do you think that being just as
unsupportive would give her an edge---or would it make her strive less
for those things that are important to her---I mean, you don't want her
to think she can have anything she wants, right?

-=-=-=-=-
Original message:

For doing music, like professionally or even semi-pro., you have to
kind of
"work" on it as much as you'd be willing to work for a "real" job, if
you really want to succeed.

-=-=-=-

My son, at 18, is a professional musician. Yes, he puts *many* hours in
each day to improve/learn new licks, etc. It IS his "real" job. He
*chooses* to make that his priority. He's backed off on the time he
spends watching TV, reading, talking with his girlfriend, and even
being on the COMPUTER!!! Because music IS his priority. But that's
true of anyone who is looking to make a career of anything. He CHOOSES
where he spends his time.

You just told us a week or two ago that you have no passions except for
the computer---now you're telling us that you have no time for your
passion of singing.

Drop the computer time! Go sing! Quit whining!

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Original message:

And then there is this big ammount of
millions of people who want the same, there is always someone who is
more skilled than I am (in singing, or in getting to know the "right"
people, in advertising himself, in arranging, in composing etc...)

-=-=-=-

PuhLEEZE! Quit yer bitchin'!

Thats what business is ABOUT! Being more skilled, more talented.
Knowing more people, advertising yourself, arranging, composing. THAT's
what the music industry IS.

Are you willing to DO those things? Don't go telling me that it's not
possible! I have a now 18 year old son who networks all OVER town and
knows ALL the big names here because he would go out every
night---since he was 15---to hear music and sit in on workshops and ask
questions and introduce himself to strangers and play at every possible
opportunity. And he's SHY! Well, he *was*! <g> He MADE the
opportunities FOR himself. I can't go anywhere in town now with him
without someone coming up to speak to him about music or film. He's put
himself OUT there.

He's not unique (well, he IS! <g>)---but this is how you make it in the
music business---you network. You play. You sing.

--=-=-=-==--=
Original message:

I used to think "if you only *want* something enough, you'll get it",
you just have to work hard, be creative, find ways etc etc. But this
is quite like the "American Dream" – if you really want it, you WILL
get it, it promises, but if you don't and stay poor, and don't
succeed to always get a greater job and get more money – it means
you are lazy "then you just didn't work hard enough". This is just
not the case, because not all people have equal opportunities!

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This is just an excuse. The ONLY way people have made it IS by being
creative, working hard, finding ways.

ALL people have equal opportunities. Opportunities are OUT there.
Everywhere. Every day. But you're not going to find them sitting in a
room. Get OUT---go to clubs. Sing for tips. Sing for free. Just sing!
Sing at Open Mike Night---that's how Cameron ot his first paying gig!
He would go every Wednesday night to Open Mike Night. He played the
drums. Eventually the owner/band leader hired him as the house drummer
when his old drummer moved to be with his dying mother. Cameron has a
year contract with "Fatback and the Groove Band" as their drummer. A
paying gig. Just for showing up every Wednesday for four months!

OH! And their singer is also a waitress there--she gets up and sings
between tables! She can belt out some blues!!! <g>

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Original message:

And
though what I used to think had nothing to do with the American Dream
in the sense of growing rich out of nothing, it still implies that if
you don't succeed in what you "wanted" – then you probably didn't
want it enough, or you didn't try hard enough or you are just lazy or
dumb or whatever.

-=--=-

Uh huh. But you're going to tell me that you want it enough and are
trying hard enough and aren't lazy or whatever---right?

But I don't see you out at night singing! You're spending all your time
on the computer---you told us so!

You won't even sing at Christmas in front of your parents!

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Original message:

And thinking that "if you only want somehting
enough.." made me confident I *would* get it – but I don't see it
happening at all, and this is since 10, 15 years now.

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I don't think you were at ALL confident. I don't think you have been
out singing anywhere. For 10-15 years---you just *wished* you were a
rich and famous singer. *Wanting* something enough and *Going AFTER*
something enough are two completely diferent things!

Easy to say you weren't responsible for that.

Easy to blame parents the FIRST 10-15 years---but after that, it's up
to YOU!

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Original message:

So the
disappointment of not getting what I wanted has caused many tears
over the past 5 years because my goal seems farther and farther away.

-==-=-

And WHAT are you DOing about it?

Throwing a pity party or going out and singing every night?

-=-==-=-
Original message:

So unschooled children, won't they always be very confident they
"will" get what they want and then be also as disappointed as I am
about not getting it? I'm learning to deal with it though but it has
taken years of crying each month for not being completely happy

-=-=-=-=-

First: Yes, I hope they will be very confident---beats the hell out of
lacking confidence, wouldn't you say?

Second: Their disappointments won't come from NOT trying.

Third: "Dealing" with it and "Doing" something about it are two
completely different things. Mine will be/are DOERS.

Fourth: NO one is "completely happy." We can choose to be joyful, and
we can choose to find joy in what we have and in what we're seeking. We
can choose to enjoy the journey. Crying every night because we haven't
put forth the effort will never make someone happy either. But going
after what we love because we LOVE is can be joyful and inspiring.

Go sing!

~Kelly