My struggle to stay conscious

Some of you may know that for a long time I've struggled with food. It has been my *addiction*. It used to be really bad... hording, binging, sneaking food, hiding the evidence (who the hell did I think I was hiding this from... I think I was trying to hide it from myself, actually)... all of that has stopped, but I still struggle with conscious eating. I still notice myself zoning out when food enters my mouth and when that happens, I find myself eating 1 too many portions and it's like I'm screaming from somewhere deep in my consciousness to put on the breaks before I go for another helping. I also struggle late at night... I believe that because everything slows down at night and my mind and body is no longer focused on the tasks of the day, that the urge to eat fills my brain, so that I'll have something to fill my time and space.

BUT, I am so very proud of myself. See, I've been reading "Fit For Life" by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond. Like most other alternative thinkers concerning eating and medicine, this book promotes natural ways of eating, food combining and a process called "Natural Hygiene." I won't get into all of that, you can get the book and read for yourself... but my point is that I didn't eat late last night like I wanted to. The thoughts running through my head were, "it's too late to eat, your not really hungry, cleanse or clog." :) Yeah, for me. :) I over-came the urge to eat, when it wasn't beneficial for me to.

I believe that with continued practice and sometimes raw effort, I can be a conscious eater. :)