Her birth story:
Let's say that her conception was meant to be. A few months go by and I realized that I had missed a period or two and that one of my breasts was bigger than the other and they were sore. I even mentioned the breast issue to my grandma (my dad's mom... boy do I miss her... LOVE YOU GRANDMA) because I was worried that something might be wrong.... hehe. I never thought I might be pregnant, it just didn't cross my mind until I had missed another period. So, I bought a pregnancy test and took it over to Shawn's house. I figured that if I was pregnant, that I should be with someone that I knew I could relax with without judgment. So, yeah, as you know, I found out I was pregnant.
I'm sure I told Dodger first. Being that I was 4 months along, I didn't tell anyone else. I had the test verified at PP. We were living with my dad at the time and he found out because PP sent me something in the mail and he saw it. No biggie... it was just a shock. I think he wondered why I didn't feel comfortable telling him before he found out. I was 20... and crazy... and not ready for a baby... nor did I know what I was going to do about it either. I think that's why Dodger and I kept it to ourselves for so long. We hashed out what we were going to do. I eventually had to tell my mom, because the evidence was going to start showing.
On that last day, I got up and went to work. I was scheduled from 9-1. I felt horrible all day. People could tell. I had no color and no energy. Right as I left work to head home, I got what felt like bad gas pains. I thought nothing of it until they continued on my 25 min drive home. I stopped and got gas at the local gas station... with the continued comments about how bad I looked... lol. I got home and called Shawn because she had been through this pregnancy stuff before. I still said that these pains felt like gas but that they were continual. She timed them... and said with urgency... I think you need to get to the hospital. So, I called my mom (who lives back in the city I had just come from 25-30 min away) and asked her to come get me. She asked if she had time to change clothes, and being that most labor lasts longer than mine did, I said, sure... again, lol! While I was waiting for her to come get me, I tried to pack a bag to take to the hospital with me (hey, it was a few days before me due-date, I wasn't prepared). I had to pack in between these labor pains that had me down on the floor on all fours.
By the time my mom picked me up, the labor pains had started coming fast. Because I was having back labor, I couldn't even sit in the car seat during them. I had myself draped in between the front seats into the back seats, (God, this is so funny to remember.) , almost yelling at my mom to hurry... lol. I had called Dodger, he was at work in another town about 30-40 minutes away from the hospital, right after I had called my mom. Somehow, he beat us to the hospital. So here we are pulling up to admitting and I can barely function because of the pain and I'm trying to quickly fill out paper work. They make me sit (sitting with back labor sucks) in a wheelchair on the elevator ride up to the OB ward, I think I wanted to rip someone's head off for making me sit. I get to my room and have to lay down. Ugh. Laying down and back labor don't mix but hospitals aren't set-up for alternative birthing, so I had to make them let me rock back and forth during the labor pains. At some point, I knew I needed to get up and go to the bathroom, the freaks almost didn't let me, but I told them either let me get up and go or I'm going to pee all over this bed. So, they let me get up. :)
There was no time for an epidural, just some pain meds in my IV. I was at the hospital just over an hour before Dancer made her entrance. The pushing seemed pretty easy to me. She came out pretty quickly. She was in distress when she was born, the cord had started to wrap around her neck, so I didn't see her after she was born. I laid and relaxed for awhile after she was born. I swore, piece of cake, that was until I had to sit-up to go shower. That's when I felt just how much it had taken out of me. I hadn't seen myself in a mirror yet either, when I did I was shocked, the capillaries in my face had broken from the strain of pushing and I had these red dots all over my face.
Dancer came at 4:12 in the afternoon. I don't think it was until about 7 or 8 that night that I got to see her. They had tried to bring her to me sooner but she wouldn't stay warm when they took her out from under the warming light and they wouldn't let me get up and go down and see her. After they finally brought her, she never left my arms. She didn't sleep in the hospital basinet or go back to the nursury... she slept with me. I guess I was AP from the beginning. Co-sleeping was what seemed right and natural to me. And breastfeeding was a given, breast milk is meant to feed babies, not formula.
So, what can I say. This beautiful girl, named after her dad and aunt (my sister) stormed into my world and my heart and took over. She's the best kid. Never caused me any fuss. Is fun and quirky and a pure joy to be around (most of the time). Has changed me forever. Is so resilient, she doesn't seem negatively affected by the time that it took me and her dad to get a life and grow up. I miss the littleness of her toddler years. I miss the silliness of her early childhood years. But I love her years now, she's fun and quirky and doesn't need watching all of the time (thank goodness that stage does eventually pass). Instead of her insights being cute like they were when she was little... now, I find many of them profound. That light in her eyes still glows brightly, thank God for her resilience, having been spared from the strangeness and worldliness that goes on in school now-a-days and from many of life's pains that too many kids are exposed to (I think because both Dodger and I are from divorced families, that we worked harder at staying together, even through all of the shit we put each other through). She still loves imagination games and playing with boys, boys seem to be more into her imagination games. She's taller than me now... just one more person in the house for me to ask for help in reaching things... lol. She loves sports, watching them and playing them. She loves animals and learning about places around the world.
I love being her mom.
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