January 25 2023

"We were never meant to face this disease in isolation" - Twelve & Twelve of OA

"I do not need to live in isolation any longer because there are people who understand my disease. I share in the camaraderie of fellow compulsive overeaters." - Voices of Recovery

I have never felt more alone than I did when I was in the throes of my eating disorder. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, even in a group of close friends. Honestly, I still experience that phenomenon from time to time...feeling alone in a group of people. That's a part of the way this disease affects my brain, and it's something I have trained my brain to overcome in a myriad of ways. However, there is nothing like sitting in a space with others who KNOW what my brain is like, because there's is like this, too.

I'm currently in the process of finding a 'home group' in OA. My sponsor suggested that instead of attending a variety of meetings each week, I pick ONE meeting and stick with it for six weeks and see how it lands. It makes sense to invest in one group and its members for a while to see how things grow and how I can connect, rather than be a floater in various groups...which, honestly, allows me to sidestep investing in anyone and avoid getting close to anyone which saves me from possibly being disappointed or hurt by others.

So, I have followed my sponsor's suggestion and chosen a meeting that starts shortly after our weekly call. This keeps me in recovery-focused-mode on a day and time that I'm used to, and it takes up little extra of my time because I'm rarely ever doing anything else of much importance during this time each week. It's one hour extra each week, and part of that time is devoted to journaling, which is a tool of recovery that I've been wanting to implement for quite some time.

The first week attending, I heard someone share that he picks a quote or two from his daily reading(s) and journals about those. That seemed easy enough to implement, and I've been doing so fairly consistently for not quite two weeks now. I've missed a few days, and I'm still happy with the process and my progress.