I woke up around 10:30 am this morning. Dodger woke me up telling me that he was heading out to his friend Matt's place to watch the Cowboys game and to help Matt update his computer.
I felt like messing with blogging again today. Actually the urge came to me last night. Last night I set-up the blogs, today I worked on the layouts (I set-up 2 related blogs), added some content, and set up some fan pages for them on Facebook. I wish I could share them here but I will have to decline since I choose to blog anonymously here. I want to get back to my other blog that I built over the summer. I haven't posted since before Christmas. I still need to rethink the direction of the blog. I started to dislike what it was becoming.
I cleaned up the living room a bit earlier this evening. The futon was looking a mess and it's the first thing you see when you open the door. I had most of the dishes done before Dodger got home. I also got one recycle bin filled before Desperate Housewives started.
Now I'm just snuggled up under the electric blanket, trying to get my feet warm. Dancer is over at my mom's, hanging out for the evening, they are probably rocking some Wii games. I still have more 2 more recycle bins to fill and take out to the curb. I suppose I should do that now before Forensic Files start.
I'm not feeling very positive about my weigh-in tomorrow. It was a hard week for me this week. I don't know why since my mood has been more positive this week. I had some days where I was super hungry and I went over my budget but still logged it and I've had at least 2 days where I didn't log and took free days. My stomach has felt bloated for the past few days. It may not be a good weigh-in. I need to get exercise back into my days. I'm thinking a daily schedule is past due.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
What an exceptionally boring day
What an exceptionally boring day! If a day is going to be boring it might as well be exceptionally boring.
This morning I expected to wake up to my alarm set for 10 am so I could go pick my uncle up from detox at 11. As it turned out, he called me just before 9 (waking me up) to tell me they were releasing him as early as 9:30. Egad. After I got my bearings, I called the herb farm (more on why in a moment), threw on some clothes and headed out the door.
I did manage to get there right before 9:30 and he was already outside waiting. As soon as he got in the truck, I told him that the herb farm (it also sells much of what you would find at a small health food store) had some Mustard Flower Essence in stock and that it's been proven to lift mood. I was hoping that it would help him over the weekend till he sees the doctor on Mon. He was open to trying it so we went and got it. I also got a bottle for my family. I've struggled with depression since my teen years and Dodger and Dancer have bouts of the blues. As you know, if you've been reading here for any length of time that I've been taking St. John's Wort for mood for about 6 months now.
After we got out to my dad's, I ran him down to the ATM. He needed to pay me back for the flower remedy and a bit for gas money. After that I dropped him off at my dad's, took the death sled out of the extended cab of my truck. I left to head back into town to stop at the grocery store and he went down to the auto shop around the corner to pay for his car starter repair.
He sounded so much better today than when I picked him up on Mon. The convo between us came easier. I let him know I completely understood the crazy cycle of addiction and depression. I know he drinks to medicate himself from the depression. I know the lack of control he feels to not drink and the drinking itself contributes to the depression. I've lived it with food. I've lived the lies in my head and the self-loathing in my heart. I know all about it, it's not pretty and it's not fun.
We talked about my cousin Kim and his wife and their marriage. I had no idea they lived like they do. It's a broken situation and rather sad. She doesn't trust him and doesn't love herself and he doesn't stand up for himself even though she's spending them into the ground and he works 100 hour work weeks to pay for it. He might lose his job soon. The food company he works for is selling off the division he works in. Their kids are in school, so there's no good reason why she can't work to support her own spending.
The rest of my day has been super boring. I've realized how much I'm limited on this iPod. I want a laptop or netbook so bad. I am researching courses for my own personal self-study. Many of the courses are online. I want to study up on things that will make returning to college easier for me. There's no reason why I can't already know the subjects before taking the classes. I'll either rock the classes or be able to just test for credit without taking the courses.
There is absolutely nothing on TV on Sat nights. It's so frustrating. Hardly anyone was on Facebook tonight either. I guess I'll go back to my boring evening.
This morning I expected to wake up to my alarm set for 10 am so I could go pick my uncle up from detox at 11. As it turned out, he called me just before 9 (waking me up) to tell me they were releasing him as early as 9:30. Egad. After I got my bearings, I called the herb farm (more on why in a moment), threw on some clothes and headed out the door.
I did manage to get there right before 9:30 and he was already outside waiting. As soon as he got in the truck, I told him that the herb farm (it also sells much of what you would find at a small health food store) had some Mustard Flower Essence in stock and that it's been proven to lift mood. I was hoping that it would help him over the weekend till he sees the doctor on Mon. He was open to trying it so we went and got it. I also got a bottle for my family. I've struggled with depression since my teen years and Dodger and Dancer have bouts of the blues. As you know, if you've been reading here for any length of time that I've been taking St. John's Wort for mood for about 6 months now.
After we got out to my dad's, I ran him down to the ATM. He needed to pay me back for the flower remedy and a bit for gas money. After that I dropped him off at my dad's, took the death sled out of the extended cab of my truck. I left to head back into town to stop at the grocery store and he went down to the auto shop around the corner to pay for his car starter repair.
He sounded so much better today than when I picked him up on Mon. The convo between us came easier. I let him know I completely understood the crazy cycle of addiction and depression. I know he drinks to medicate himself from the depression. I know the lack of control he feels to not drink and the drinking itself contributes to the depression. I've lived it with food. I've lived the lies in my head and the self-loathing in my heart. I know all about it, it's not pretty and it's not fun.
We talked about my cousin Kim and his wife and their marriage. I had no idea they lived like they do. It's a broken situation and rather sad. She doesn't trust him and doesn't love herself and he doesn't stand up for himself even though she's spending them into the ground and he works 100 hour work weeks to pay for it. He might lose his job soon. The food company he works for is selling off the division he works in. Their kids are in school, so there's no good reason why she can't work to support her own spending.
The rest of my day has been super boring. I've realized how much I'm limited on this iPod. I want a laptop or netbook so bad. I am researching courses for my own personal self-study. Many of the courses are online. I want to study up on things that will make returning to college easier for me. There's no reason why I can't already know the subjects before taking the classes. I'll either rock the classes or be able to just test for credit without taking the courses.
There is absolutely nothing on TV on Sat nights. It's so frustrating. Hardly anyone was on Facebook tonight either. I guess I'll go back to my boring evening.
Friday, January 15, 2010
sledding with our dearest friends
I haven't posted since Monday. What? Does my brain even remember that far back? Let's see...
Monday Dancer had golf lessons. I played on the iPod while she was in class. I'm thinking I paid some bills that day, too. I know that sometime since Monday I got some higher APR credit cards transfered over to a 0% APR offer. I hope we can get it paid off by Aug, which is when the offer expires, but it's $4000 so that's a stretch.
-------------------------------
Tues. Dancer had dance class. I dropped her off and ran errands. I went down to dad's work and picked up the sleds he brought into town for me. I also went to the post office and credit union. When I got back, I sat out in the truck and waited for her. I searched out some free online texts and courses that I might be interested in pursuing.
----------------------------
Wed. we went sledding with our dearest IRL friends. I did dress to go sledding but ended up talking to my friends the whole time. Besides, the hill where we were sledding was really steep and I wasn't sure that I could get back up it once I went down it. Also one of my friends didn't dress to sled (I don't know why she didn't dress warmer) and I didn't want to take off and have her feel left out.
That night I had my first night back in ballet class. I was surprised what I remembered after nearly 3 years of being out of class. Most of the class seems to be newbies, so I'm not freaked out anymore. Miss N also told me that I'm welcome to join any part of Dancer's class, which is right after mine (it's the level that I was at when I stopped dance class), that I want. I think once I get comfortable with my recall then I'll join that class for barre work to begin with.
Once of the ladies in my class was trying to talk me into doing the spring dance concert. I'm going to have to pass. I already have costumes to pay for for DD and after getting my power bill today, well it's just not going to happen.
Wed. was also my birthday. :)
---------------------------
Thurs. was our first day back at co-op. All in all it was a pleasant day. I'm not required to help in any of the classes because I'm on the board but I don't want to sit in the cafe for 3 hours, although that may change once I get more into my studies, so I'm sitting in on a class all 3 hours, 2 of which are ones Dancer is taking.
Dancer also had dance class this evening. While she was in class, I started the pre-algebra course on free-ed.net. I'm hoping that Dancer joins me in taking it. It's not set up at all like a regular text or course. It will give me a good review before diving into an free online algebra course.
I'm thinking I have a few years before Dancer might take college courses. I also want to go back to college. I don't want to have to take remedial coursework that won't give me any credits. There's no reason why I can't or shouldn't study at home now so I can go straight into credit or even do the CLEP tests and get credit for the class without having to take it.
----------------------
Tonight Dancer had tennis lessons. It's her last in this session. Next week I'll have to pay for her next one which cost a little over $400. Ouch. I've been saving my Christmas money for it. The sessions are 18-19 weeks long so the cost per lesson is good but I have to pay for them all up front because we aren't members of the athletic club where they are held.
Something yesterday triggered my thought process that I would like to study anthropology. I've always been interested in that as well as sociology. So I found some great coursework online today for anthro and ended up finding a slightly older edition of the text on PaperBackSwap. I also found some other forensic anthro books on PBS, too, and put a few on my wish list that aren't available yet.
I really think I'm going to go back to school to get a degree in forensic anthropology and/or forensic sociology. Why not? Why not dream big? The cost would all be covered by grants because of our income level. Nothing is financially holding me back.
I also got my free copy, care of the most generous author who commented on my blog recently, of "One Year to an Organized Life" by Regina Leeds. Thanks again, Regina. I'm thinking that a workbook would be a great supplement to the book. I tend to be a step-by-step learner. I like lists. I need to have something to check off. I do love the book so far. It's style suits me.
I am going to be done with this post now. I want to work on the math course and need to get to bed at a decent time. I need to pick my uncle up from detox again in the morning. He went back in on Tues. He actually didn't go a day out without drinking. He needs meds for his depression and they discharged him without giving him anything. He actually called in a suicide threat so that he could go back in. Without meds, he has no coping skills for his depression other than drinking. I doubt he makes it till Mon, which is when he's supposed to see the doctor and get meds, without drinking again.
Monday Dancer had golf lessons. I played on the iPod while she was in class. I'm thinking I paid some bills that day, too. I know that sometime since Monday I got some higher APR credit cards transfered over to a 0% APR offer. I hope we can get it paid off by Aug, which is when the offer expires, but it's $4000 so that's a stretch.
-------------------------------
Tues. Dancer had dance class. I dropped her off and ran errands. I went down to dad's work and picked up the sleds he brought into town for me. I also went to the post office and credit union. When I got back, I sat out in the truck and waited for her. I searched out some free online texts and courses that I might be interested in pursuing.
----------------------------
Wed. we went sledding with our dearest IRL friends. I did dress to go sledding but ended up talking to my friends the whole time. Besides, the hill where we were sledding was really steep and I wasn't sure that I could get back up it once I went down it. Also one of my friends didn't dress to sled (I don't know why she didn't dress warmer) and I didn't want to take off and have her feel left out.
That night I had my first night back in ballet class. I was surprised what I remembered after nearly 3 years of being out of class. Most of the class seems to be newbies, so I'm not freaked out anymore. Miss N also told me that I'm welcome to join any part of Dancer's class, which is right after mine (it's the level that I was at when I stopped dance class), that I want. I think once I get comfortable with my recall then I'll join that class for barre work to begin with.
Once of the ladies in my class was trying to talk me into doing the spring dance concert. I'm going to have to pass. I already have costumes to pay for for DD and after getting my power bill today, well it's just not going to happen.
Wed. was also my birthday. :)
---------------------------
Thurs. was our first day back at co-op. All in all it was a pleasant day. I'm not required to help in any of the classes because I'm on the board but I don't want to sit in the cafe for 3 hours, although that may change once I get more into my studies, so I'm sitting in on a class all 3 hours, 2 of which are ones Dancer is taking.
Dancer also had dance class this evening. While she was in class, I started the pre-algebra course on free-ed.net. I'm hoping that Dancer joins me in taking it. It's not set up at all like a regular text or course. It will give me a good review before diving into an free online algebra course.
I'm thinking I have a few years before Dancer might take college courses. I also want to go back to college. I don't want to have to take remedial coursework that won't give me any credits. There's no reason why I can't or shouldn't study at home now so I can go straight into credit or even do the CLEP tests and get credit for the class without having to take it.
----------------------
Tonight Dancer had tennis lessons. It's her last in this session. Next week I'll have to pay for her next one which cost a little over $400. Ouch. I've been saving my Christmas money for it. The sessions are 18-19 weeks long so the cost per lesson is good but I have to pay for them all up front because we aren't members of the athletic club where they are held.
Something yesterday triggered my thought process that I would like to study anthropology. I've always been interested in that as well as sociology. So I found some great coursework online today for anthro and ended up finding a slightly older edition of the text on PaperBackSwap. I also found some other forensic anthro books on PBS, too, and put a few on my wish list that aren't available yet.
I really think I'm going to go back to school to get a degree in forensic anthropology and/or forensic sociology. Why not? Why not dream big? The cost would all be covered by grants because of our income level. Nothing is financially holding me back.
I also got my free copy, care of the most generous author who commented on my blog recently, of "One Year to an Organized Life" by Regina Leeds. Thanks again, Regina. I'm thinking that a workbook would be a great supplement to the book. I tend to be a step-by-step learner. I like lists. I need to have something to check off. I do love the book so far. It's style suits me.
I am going to be done with this post now. I want to work on the math course and need to get to bed at a decent time. I need to pick my uncle up from detox again in the morning. He went back in on Tues. He actually didn't go a day out without drinking. He needs meds for his depression and they discharged him without giving him anything. He actually called in a suicide threat so that he could go back in. Without meds, he has no coping skills for his depression other than drinking. I doubt he makes it till Mon, which is when he's supposed to see the doctor and get meds, without drinking again.
Monday, January 11, 2010
2 fried ice creams
Sunday Dancer and I went to dinner with my mom and step-dad for my birthday. We went to the little Mexican restaurant by the old Circuit City. I love Mexican food and this restaurant has the BEST pico de galo. Yum yum yum.
Mom had them make 2 fried ice creams to take back to her place after dinner. Once we got back to her place I opened a gift from them. I got a cute scarf, some kitchen utensils, a cute thin wallet that matches the cool purse that I found at the thrift store last month, a Best Buy gift card, and a little cash that my mom insists that I use on myself and not Dancer.
We spent the evening playing Wii Sport Resort games. We all played and had a great time. My arms are sore today from playing the rowing race game. I got to blow out candles on cupcakes and we ate them with the fried ice cream. The fried ice cream was so good.
After we got home last night I cleaned my room up and folded my clothes. I haven't hung them up yet but at least they aren't in a pile on my bed anymore. I also sent an email to Dancer's dance instructor (also my former dance instructor) to ask if any other adults were signed up for the adult ballet class. It's been over 2 years since I've been in class. I quit because my weight was getting out of control. Now that taking care of myself and losing weight, I want to get back into class. I've missed it. This is what I'm spending my birthday money on. I'm scared, for sure. Weight wise I'm still not where I want to be. I don't know how much ballet I actually remember or if my body can even do what it could just a few years ago. I tried on my one and only leotard just a bit ago. It fits, so I have no excuses to not register.
I had to pick my uncle up from the detox/rehab center today. I drove him back out to my dad's this afternoon. He bought me a little gas on the way to compensate for driving him out there. When we got there my dad was close to heading out to work, so I was able to say hi and chat a bit.
I picked up a movie from the Redbox to watch tonight with a free code. The regular price of $1 per movie per night is awesome but free is better. Redbox isn't passing out the free codes as often so I try to take advantage of it when they do.
Dancer is at her golf lesson right now. I am finishing up this blog post that I started earlier. I just emailed a friend to let her know that we would love to go sledding with her and the kids on Wed and I just got off the phone with my dad, I was asking him if we could borrow the sled and snowboard.
While I'm waiting I'll read this week's guidance and helps in "One Year to an Organized Life" by Regina Leeds. The WiFi here doesn't let me on Facebook. I'll have to catch up with everyone there later.
Mom had them make 2 fried ice creams to take back to her place after dinner. Once we got back to her place I opened a gift from them. I got a cute scarf, some kitchen utensils, a cute thin wallet that matches the cool purse that I found at the thrift store last month, a Best Buy gift card, and a little cash that my mom insists that I use on myself and not Dancer.
We spent the evening playing Wii Sport Resort games. We all played and had a great time. My arms are sore today from playing the rowing race game. I got to blow out candles on cupcakes and we ate them with the fried ice cream. The fried ice cream was so good.
After we got home last night I cleaned my room up and folded my clothes. I haven't hung them up yet but at least they aren't in a pile on my bed anymore. I also sent an email to Dancer's dance instructor (also my former dance instructor) to ask if any other adults were signed up for the adult ballet class. It's been over 2 years since I've been in class. I quit because my weight was getting out of control. Now that taking care of myself and losing weight, I want to get back into class. I've missed it. This is what I'm spending my birthday money on. I'm scared, for sure. Weight wise I'm still not where I want to be. I don't know how much ballet I actually remember or if my body can even do what it could just a few years ago. I tried on my one and only leotard just a bit ago. It fits, so I have no excuses to not register.
I had to pick my uncle up from the detox/rehab center today. I drove him back out to my dad's this afternoon. He bought me a little gas on the way to compensate for driving him out there. When we got there my dad was close to heading out to work, so I was able to say hi and chat a bit.
I picked up a movie from the Redbox to watch tonight with a free code. The regular price of $1 per movie per night is awesome but free is better. Redbox isn't passing out the free codes as often so I try to take advantage of it when they do.
Dancer is at her golf lesson right now. I am finishing up this blog post that I started earlier. I just emailed a friend to let her know that we would love to go sledding with her and the kids on Wed and I just got off the phone with my dad, I was asking him if we could borrow the sled and snowboard.
While I'm waiting I'll read this week's guidance and helps in "One Year to an Organized Life" by Regina Leeds. The WiFi here doesn't let me on Facebook. I'll have to catch up with everyone there later.
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