Raining On My Parade: Resistance to Change

It is a rainy day outside. Dancer planted some annuals in her garden earlier today and her perennials are coming up nicely. I like the rain but it's a bit of a bother since there's plenty of outside work to be done.

There's been some rain inside, too. Not literal rain but figuratively, the past few days have been rough with the arrival of Dodger home from his fishing trip. I haven't felt like I can move freely around the house, doing what I feel the need to be doing. I think he went to do a bid this morning and was home by 12:30.

I also feel that he's not happy. Not happy that he makes more money than I do. Not happy that he has the responsibility of taking care of a family. Not happy that we've had to give up luxuries (yes, cable TV is a want, not a need) to work our way out of debt.

I've worked really hard over the past 5 years or so to get our credit back in good standing and to pay down our debt. We still have a little ways to go but it's nice to be able to see an end to that chaos in the near future. Dodger was raised differently than I was. He always had all of these extras even if his mom couldn't afford them. I can't tell you how many different phone numbers that his mom has had since I've met him. They (his older sister and kids still live with his mom) would let their bills go so long that things would get shut off and the adults would just sign-up for service again under the kids names. They've probably ruined the kids credit before the kids even have use of their credit. They've always been so totally irresponsible with their money.

I, on the other hand, was raised by parents who worked together to live well on what little we had. My dad worked hard and when he came home he didn't just sit on his butt and lounge. There was work to be done around the house, a huge garden to take care of, and things to tinker with in the garage. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, who scrimped and saved what my dad made so that we could take a huge family vacation every year. She cooked darn near everything from scratch. She sewed and gardened and was just your all around homemaking queen. My mom and dad could do it all, I tell you. And they never once complained about what we didn't have because what we had was enough and it was beautiful and bountiful.

I feel such a resistance from Dodger to live a simpler lifestyle. I could live with out the TV and he has to have it on all of the time, even if he isn't watching it. It's been almost 2 years since we got rid of digital/extended cable TV and I STILL hear about it. Just today I asked him if he might like to try Sheppard's Pie (one of my all time favorite Irish dishes... I'm partial to the Irish stuff being that my great-great grandparents came over from Ireland) and he asked what was in it. He didn't want it because I was going to make it with ground turkey instead of ground beef.

I've been feeling very defeated lately. Life has been raining on my parade. I had a great attitude adjustment a few days ago with a renewed energy and got a lot of things tackled around the house while he was away but now that he's back home, I again feel stifled and unsupported. There are many times he never lets me live it down that I make less money than him (even though the shoe used to be on the other foot for years!). I always pick up extra hours at work when I can (I do work outside the home in the late evening hours). I'm earnestly seeking a way to earn some extra cash from home and I do donate plasma to bring in extra money. I think it's time to have another deep chat with God. It just stinks to work so hard on what I can control to have others around you not support you and not do their share without complaining about it.