Sunday, February 4, 2007

February 4 2007

 My eating is the worst at night, after the day winds down, and I'm alone with my thoughts and alone with my pain. That's when the urge to binge becomes overwhelming.

The worst part is I feel totally alone in life. I really feel like no one understands me at all.

"We cannot think ourselves into good action, but we can act ourselves into good thinking." - OA

"Don't eat, no matter what -- put down the food and pick up the steps." - OA

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

January 23 2007

 So after Dodger chose not to support me at Christmas...and I got even more upset and hurt than I've ever been with him...he reluctantly apologize but now I basically don't exist.

I try to talk to him and give some form of affection but get next to nothing in return.

Why is my life so painful?

What did I do wrong to deserve such shit in my life?

How do you heal when people keep hurting you at the deepest level?

What comforts the pain if I stop using food for that?

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Neglect

Well, I've neglected my blog once again.  I've been so focused on living a healthy lifestyle that I just don't think about updating my blog.

This is actually a good thing, because I'm way more settled into living the unschooling life.  Dodger still struggles with some things but over-all it's good.

So what's my main focus for 2007?  To unclutter all aspects of my life!  To pursue balance!  And find it!  And to get my damn schooling fished up!... I'm SOOOOO behind!  I need to go hyperspeed through some courses and then ask for an extention.  Oh, and I have to write a disertation!  ARGH!  I'd love to get my CNHP and just not have to do the disertation... I'm just not sure that I'll have the money or the time to do it.

Back to my focus on my health.  I've lost 14 lbs since September.  I even lost 4 lbs over the holidays.  I've eliminated sugar from my life and don't eat when I'm emotional.  That's sobriety for me.  For the next 4 weeks starting Monday, Jan. 1st, I'll be doing this workout program:  Get Lean and Sculpted in 4 Weeks Flat  It will be a challenge for me but that's what I'm after.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

It's Been Too Long

Shame on me for not keeping up with my blog!  I'll try to update what we've been doing lately.

Dancer is still in dance classes every week.  She takes Ballet, Hip Hop, Tap and Jazz.  She attends a really great homeschool sports program every week at LCC.  They are working on soccer this month.  She's taking some art classes at the DAAC.  There's a few homeschoolers in her class.  She's still taking Karate at the DAC co-op.  And we had our first 4H meeting of the season in October.

We have our rockets bought for the 4H meetings, the kids will be building the rockets throughout the year during club.  We are bringing a friend (the same great kid that got to spend so much time with us this summer while his mom {my great friend} was at work) with us to 4H this year, which is great.

Money was tight during October, so we didn't get out much.  It's getting cold and there's not as much stuff to go do outside at Rock Springs this time of year.  I'm not partial to cold weather either!  I'd rather stay inside and snuggle under the covers and read a book.

Dancer went to see the Santa Clause 3 movie with my dad and uncle on Friday.  She said she liked it, so that's good.  She's picky about movies.

She's still ubber into animals of all kinds, especially cats!  If she's not watching cartoons then she's watching Animal Planet.

I've been working a ton (which is great because I had hardly any hours during October).  I'm also training to be a chacha.com guide.  Once I'm through training, I'll be able to make money doing that, too.  If you spend a lot of time on the computer like I do and would like to be a guide post me a reply to this post.  I may consider you if you're a go getter and are dedicated to working your way up the guide scale.  I'll only get one invite when I get promoted, so I'm going to be choosing carefully.   I also have an ebay store set-up and now just need to make the time to get my stuff listed!  I'll put a link to my store up here soon.

I've been reading a book by E. Haas called "The False Fat Diet".  It's a great book.  It talks all about food allergies and sensitivities.  Last week was my cleansing juice fast.  The first few days area always tough to get through.  Most of the time you'll have lots of aches and pains and headaches.  I felt great by the end of the week.  So now I'm on the first few days of avoiding foods that I'm for sure that I have reactions to like dairy, sugar, and wheat.  I'm researching the Paleolithic Diet for some great foods that are right for our body chemistry.  My ultimate goal is to bring back my health.  I have started to develop what I'm sure is arthritis in my back and knees and sometimes it affects my hands.  This is all from the crystallization of the liquid in my joints... from eating foods that do damage to my body.  Losing weight is not my ultimate goal but it's going to be a huge bonus.  My extra weight adds to the stress on my bones and joints.

I'm going to get back to my chacha training now.  It's a ton of fun and I really want to get promoted.  I changed one of my keywords yesterday, so it will take me longer to get promoted because I basically started over on that keyword.  My keywords are now fasting, unschooling (of course!), and pilates.  It's been great to get some trainers who are actually interested in my keywords.  One today was actually thrilled to get some information on unschooling... isn't that cool!

I will NOT go this long without updating my blog again!