Talking with Dad about Moving

First I need to catch up on yesterday's events.

The day was pretty normal. I spent part of my afternoon getting online work done. Dancer went to golf lessons in the early evening hours. I watched a few of my shows and got a phone call from my dad right before 9.

I was expecting him to call sometime yesterday since I knew he was coming home from visiting my sister and uncle. He said when he got out to his truck at the airport that he had a flat tire and was lucky that he had a pair of overalls in the back since he had to change his tire in the cold wet rainy weather. This got us talking about moving. He mentioned something about me moving and I said if I move then he's moving, too. He said he's been thinking about moving and that I was going to have to move if he did.

Then we got talking about the crap going on with my mom and how she's been treating Dancer. I had always hoped that she wouldn't treat Dancer like she did (and still does) me.

Around 11, I got up from playing on the Wii so that I could clean off the bookshelf in my room to switch out one with Dancer at her request. Talk about a chore. It wasn't only the bookshelf that needed cleaning but the mess in front of the bookshelf. It turned out to be an all night project. I figured that instead of shoving everything into my closet and dealing with it later that I would clean out my closet and toss everything on my bed so that I had to deal with it all before I could go to bed. I was up till 3 working on it. I tossed lots of stuff and have a bag of stuff to donate. I still have some papers to go through and file but 90% of it is done.

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Today I spent my afternoon doing online work again. I really really need a laptop so they my online work can be done in the evening. I want my days back.

Dancer chose not to go to dance class tonight. I think part of it is her back is still bothering her and part is burn-out and she just wants a break. She loves what she does, she just doesn't love having nearly every night of the week being full. I just don't know how kids in school go to school all day and do activities and homework every night. They really never have any downtime and certainly no life of their own.

I talked to my mom earlier. She wanted to tell me about Thanksgiving plans. My step-dad's family is meeting at my mom's in the afternoon and then my mom's side is meeting at my grandma's for dinner. I called my dad to ask him about what we should do and he thought that it would work out for us to do afternoon with him and evening with my grandma. This is great. I don't really like step-dad's side. They are really boring. They just like to sit around and watch the Speed channel. At least this way I only have two places to go and it's with MY family. Dodger's family doesn't have holiday gatherings, so we have nothing to do for his side. This is also great for my diet. I only have to take one day off.

Dad and I talked more about moving. I mentioned that I had told Dodger that dad has been thinking about moving and that when he moves we would be moving, too. Dodger didn't really want to talk about it (he's not big on change) but did ask when I thought that would be happening. So I asked dad about it tonight. He said that once his court case was over that he would be making plans no matter how the case turned out. This may be resolved sometime next year. Dad stayed here for my grandma, she's gone now, so once this legal hold-up is out of the way there will be nothing stopping him from moving except us (Dancer and I) keeping him here. But he also has my sister and nephew there. But see, if my dad moves there would be nothing for me here.

My sister ran a long time ago. When she left I was pregnant with Dancer. Dancer is 13. I wasn't in any shape to run and I would have never left my dad. But now, now is different. Dancer is older and dad IS leaving, it's just a matter of when.

It's certainly scary. We are established here. My house is nearly paid off. Dodger has a business here. Sure he could pick up and move it but he wouldn't have a client base. We don't really have any money. We get medical and food benefits through state aid. Sure, it's freakin' scary if I allow myself to go there. But think of the possibilities. We would be near my sister and uncle. We would be in a higher populated area which might make for better business opportunities for Dodger.

Homeschooling in that state isn't as free as it is here. I have a few online friends who lived there and they just didn't register. Unschooling there is possible but maybe a bit more scary than where I'm at now. There's a little bit more time to learn about it before any final plans are made.

I wonder how Dancer is going to take it. Her friends are here. This is what she knows. Hell, this is what I know. I grew up in a rural area just 30 min. from here. I've never lived anywhere else. This is what Dodger knows, he's never lived anywhere else.

Time to stop thinking about that now. It's starting to freak me out. I will not let fear of the unknown and the could be's stop me from doing the right thing. The right thing is to be near my soul family. To be near those who love me and accept me just as I am.