January 1 2014

It is step-dad's birthday. Dancer and I went to their new place to celebrate. Joyce, Bob, Jon, and Veronica also came. Dinner was chicken, green beans, and fresh cut veggies. After gifts we watched a little TV and played a few Wii games. By the time we left, at about 8pm, there was about an inch of snow on the ground. I filled the rest of my night watching Arrested Development with Dodger.

To Everything, There is a Season

I have a lot of big changes coming in 2014.  I will share them as the time seems right.  One at a time.  See, I keep secrets... I keep secrets in a sacred place.  It is important to not have people piss all over your dreams.  It may surprise you, or not, who will be your biggest supporters and who will question why you even bother.

I was reminded, once again, of this at Xmas time this year as I let one of my secrets out to my family and got lukewarm to cold responses.  It was a mistake to tell.  It's a mistake that I'll never, ever, make again!

I was warned by a mentor and by my husband to keep it quiet but I went ahead with it anyway.  I think sometimes we just need to see one last time who's on our side.

Check out this post on The Proper Care and Feeding of Dreams.

I have HUGE dreams.  Big huge dreams that scare the living shit out of me!  The season of raising a family is coming to an end and my focus can shift elsewhere now.  Dancer is nearly 18, will be driving soon, and will be starting her drive towards her dreams soon.  I finally got clarity on my path.

I shared this on Facebook a few days ago, "And so, she finally recognized herself and where her passions want to take her. There are seasons in life. Sometimes we have to be focused elsewhere for a time... watering and caring for the roots that need to grow deep... before we are able to reach for the sun and bloom. - LJM"

I waited, sometimes very impatiently, for my path to get clear enough to start down it.  I needed time to change.  I needed time to raise my daughter and do right by her.  I needed time to grow my marriage.  I needed time to bloom where I was planted.  I came to, dare I say, enjoy domestic duties and taking care of my family.  But I knew there was more waiting for me, I just had to wait for the right time, the right season, and now that season begins.

Ready to Blog Again?

I think maybe I'm ready again.  I sure did lose any drive to bring this space up again, except for the rare occasion.  Things just got extremely stressful in my life and I was just treading water, trying not to sink.  I'm starting to feel a bit better and like maybe, just maybe, I can feel the bottom at the tips of my toes again.  We are not quite back on our feet but we're doing much better than we were at the beginning of September when I had paid all of the bills I could and there was no money left for food.  I'm still donating plasma twice a week because that's still helping get us through, it's still paying for our groceries and necessities.

But I feel like I'm losing out on chronicling important parts of our lives.  So I think, for now, I will make an effort to blog once a week.  I'm pretty sure that is doable and it will get me back into the swing of things.

One Foot In Front of the Other

We're going through some pretty tough financial times here right now.  At the beginning of September, I started donating blood plasma again for money.  We had no money for food, after paying bills, and very few groceries in the house, so off I went to the quickest place I knew to bring in extra cash.  The first 5 donations in the first 21 days paid $50 each, so that was extremely helpful.  Now I make $60 a week doing it, donating twice a week.  At this current moment, I have $2 left in my bank account, $20 on my plasma card from my donation on Wednesday, and a small bit of cash in my wallet for any tiny necessity that might come up.  And I had a friend who just yesterday insist that she let me allow her to pay-it-forward to me and is dropping a little extra in the mail for me tomorrow.  My pride says no, but who am I to say no to her spirit-led and heartfelt gift?  Abundance comes in ALL forms.

I think Dodger has an invoice to deliver and will get paid again on Monday.  Due to some issues with the kitchen cabinet job he started back in June (the clear coat aged and discolored the paint) he had to spend time doing extra work for free.  That time also set him back on other jobs he needed to get to, paying jobs.  So things bottle-necked and just kept getting tighter and tighter until the money was just barely trickling in.  But I haven't been late on a bill yet or not able to pay and that's a huge blessing.

But in the midst of this, I made a pretty big decision about my goals for the future and I finally realized what I want to passionately pursue as a career.  I've been feeling the pull towards finding my path for awhile now but it hit full force recently because this is Dancer's last year homeschooling and I really need to put my focus on me now and work towards making a better life for my family.  But the pudding needs to proof before I can or will divulge any details.  Don't ask, I won't tell.

Also, making the big decision above also led to a few other discoveries.  I've found a non-trivial reason to focus on my healthy eating, exercise, and weight-loss goals.  With that came being ok to only do workouts that I love, which happen to be Tae Bo and kickboxing style workouts.  I truly don't care what the "experts" say, if I don't love what I'm doing it's not going to happen.

My upper back issue between my shoulder-blades has flared up recently.  Here's what I think I have, Snapping Scapula Syndrome, and it's extremely painful, so I think it's an inflamed bursa caused by the rubbing.  I really should try to see a doctor about it while we still have medical coverage.  I'm certain it's the stress that's causing the flare up.  I still work on staying in good spirits, though.  How I view my current circumstances at any point is still my choice.

So, life moves on.  I continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.  When the going gets tough, the tough get going.  I'm learning that lesson now more than ever before.  I've got a fire in my belly because I finally found what I'm passionate about and I am in the process of making the plans to make a career in that happen for me.  There is hard work ahead of me... some very hard work... but realizing a dream then making it a goal and planning it out down to the small details makes that hard work become efficient and doable in small steps.